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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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PEEKING THROUGH THE CLOUD . : Archives : .
January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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Thursday, February 21, 2008ANOTHER CHAPTER IN THE BOOK OF LIFE Firstly, to all the great folks who take the time to read my drivel & leave me such wonderful & supportive comments, I sincerely thank you all. If I could put my arms around you in a collective hug, I'd do it in a heartbeat. Sadly I can't (with the exception of kaya) so please accept my 'as good as' huge **Blog H U G** . The past few weeks have been emotionally hectic for me...............but with the love & support from those close to me, I'm finally seeing sense again - yay! I went & offloaded to a shrink, who in return, gave me a couple of good tips on how to cope a particular problem, plus advice on how to handle what the near future will bring in respect of grandma's physical & mental condition. . Y'know, I can change a plug, I can change the wheel on a car & I'm pretty good with a power drill, so long as I don't hit a concrete lintel, cos then the air turns a dark shade of blue from my swearing............ahem.......................I can paint walls, re-upholster chairs & make a garden from a bare patch of dirt. I've been through some horrendous experiences, faced them head on & somehow managed to cope & better still, come out stronger on the 'other side'. But right now, I feel so incredibly helpless & at times, so fucking angry, because I am watching one very special Little Grey Haired Old Lady die, slowly, just a little bit, every single day. I feel helpless, because despite doing every possible thing I can to make sure she wants for nothing & isn't in pain, I can't take away this thing that is eating away at her. It's a monster, a hateful, horrible, greedy monster that won't be satiated until it's finished it's job by destroying her. I want it to just fuck off & leave our family Rock* alone. If it was visible, I would tell it to just sod off...................go find someone else to invade...............just leave Grandma alone! Trouble is, it's had a taste of her colon & now it's back, for a much bigger portion. I feel angry - correction, I AM angry - because this shouldn't be happening to grandma. She deserves so much, honestly, so very much more than to have to go through this. . I know there are millions of women who plough through life with a secret loathing of their mother-in-law. There are those also, who don't keep it a secret & are blatant about their dislike for their husbands' mother. That's a shite situation & I wouldn't wish it on any married couple, as it causes untold friction, which in return creates even more tension within the marriage & sometimes ends up destroying a marriage. My motherbylaw is a gem. She's a star. She's totally unique. She's down to earth, funny, tough as old boots, thick as a brick & sharp as a knife. She is so generous to others, but always puts herself last. She's blatant, doesn't mince her words, is sarcastic, hysterically funny when ratarse & (was always) pretty much game for anything. She tells me straight if I am wrong, but will back me up when I'm right. She can piss me off, make me chuckle & reduce me to tears. She will take secrets to her grave, rather than divulge them. She's a bloody good judge of character, which is why she loves me! (har har) My motherbylaw has lived with me for just over 17yrs now. In all that time, we have had only one major upset. In 1981, after the hatching of Spadge, her name changed from 'Mum' to Grandma. Even Hubs calls her grandma - in fact I can't remember the last time he called her mum. . Last Sunday, I took grandma back to the doctor, for stronger pain medication. I told the doc that she never went to see the oncologist at Mafraq hospital. He was stunned. After a chat to find out how she was doing, he examined her & within seconds, pinpointed an all-new-bigger-and-better tumour, clearly defined by his touch. . My heart simply sank. I honestly wasn't expecting news like this. I don't know if grandma was - she hasn't said. The doc said she would need constant monitoring, frequent abdominal scans, probably more surgery & definitely chemotherapy. . "Amy, you know I want you to go for this treatment!" said the doc. . "No" was her reply. "I watched my husband go through chemo, saw what it did to him & I'm telling you, I'm not having it. Just give me something for the pain & I'll be fine." . We left the consulting room & came home with a prescription for a pretty staunch painkiller, specifically for pain associated with cancer. The doc said grandma could travel if she felt capable, so tonight, Hubs booked her a ticket to fly to the UK next month, to go & see her baby sister, 'Our Anne'. (she's only 72yrs old!) . Grandma has got something to look forward to & after a phone call tonight, 'Our Anne' is all excited about seeing her 'big sister' again. Bless. . . So tell me, does anyone want to know about the KIDNAPPING CHAPTER in this 'ere Book of Life? . * Spadge nicknamed Grandma The Rock, because she's solid in every way imaginable.  
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