There are 2 recipients for each award this week. I'll start the awards off with the CACTUS...............

The first goes to Asian Garden Restaurant, which is situated just over the road from where I live. I normally order a take-out meal once a week & to date, have never had a bad meal. The exception is Item number 158 on their menu; Beef with green pepper & chilli. Hubs really likes this, but for the past few weeks, whenever he's ordered it, it has arrived minus the chilli. The first time it happened, we passed it off as a mistake. The second time it happened Hubs bitched, understandably. The third time it happened, Hubs phoned them & complained most vehemently. The offer was made for someone to come & collect the order & re-deliver, complete with chillies. Hubs declined the offer & we went a couple of weeks before ordering again. I was liss* for Thai food again on Thursday, so we agreed to give Asian Garden one more go. I phoned my order through & placed great emphasis on there being chillies - as per the menu - on item 158. The good news is it arrived promptly & dunked my finger in the sauce to taste it, just to make sure Hubs wouldn't be disappointed again.

I shall be requesting compensation for the damage done to my dentures & the extra space I had to use by putting numerous toilet rolls in the fridge overnight. Hubs enjoyed his meal, but I did hear the occasional muttering of "bastard.........put extra chillies in I bet!"

Despite great food, fast delivery & an otherwise faultless service, it shouldn't have to take a verbal battering (with the option of a physical battering if they stuffed up again) to get them to supply the correct ingredients in a dish time & time again. Nuff sed.

The Second Cactus Award goes to the majority of so-called 'Real Estate' agents in Abu Dhabi. In a nutshell, you people are as much use as a handbrake on a canoe.

Our circumstances will be changing soon, as Grandma is coming to live with us.....awwww. That means we have to look for a 3 bedroom apartment, or if the budget stretches, a villa. Chestertons website is full of bling, but they don't like to answer their phones AT ALL, no matter what time of day or night I've tried ringing them. The link to their email is 'down' i.e. it goes straight to 'error' & they don't advertise their actual email address. Blinding.

Sealandz Property have a website, which they actively encourage people to visit in their newspaper advertisments. I did. When I enquired about certain properties they were advertising, they'd all mysteriously 'gone', but they naturally had more to offer at twice our budget. Yeah right. The person I spoke to was obviously driving his car, or was a passenger in the car & had no intention of turning down the radio in order to listen to me. I was polite enough to say "thanks", but was sorely tempted to call the person a fuckwit, amongst other things.

KN Property also advertise in the good 'ole Gulf News. They've got heaps of properties, supposedly. Getting someone to speak English, in a manner that does not involve rigorous head wobbling whilst trying to clutch the phone between shoulder & ear would be a great help. I can speak & understand Afrikaans, quite a bit of Zulu, Fanagalo, Chichewa, some Japanese & French, but I'll be buggered if I must speak like a retard in order to get some attention from someone with little or no knowledge of the English language. I want details on properties, not "how much?" followed by "how much?" followed by "how much?". If you'd have asked me in a polite manner as to how much my budget was you dipshit, I would have answered you accordingly. Instead, all you kept asking was "how much?" like a stuck record. I hung up, without a "thank you".

Finally, a Mohammed from Future View Properties phoned me this morning & will (HOPEFULLY!) be taking me to view an apartment this afternoon. He is the only one so far - that I've come across telephonically - that speaks English clearly & is actually helpful. With a bit of luck, he'll maybe get the Carnation award next week.................stay tuned!

* Liss is an Afrikaans word but used extensively by English speakers in S'Efrica..........it sort of means 'fancy'.......as in "I really fancied Thai food".