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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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Saturday, February 17, 2007THE CHRONICLES OF GRANDMA - EPISODE 1 I thought I'd give readers a little bit of a glimpse into my life with Grandma. (She's the little grey haired old lady on the left, just in case you were wondering) 10.00a.m I've read the papers online, checked mail etc & nut off for a shower. Soak dentures. Make the bed. Come out of the bedroom, stick my head in grandmas room & say "Dya wanna cuppa Flowerpot?" Without my dentures, this sounds like a rottweiler with a hare-lip, but I know grandma understands me. She emerges from the depths of her perch, sticks a bleary eyed & rumpled head out from under the duvet & says "No thanks.......I think I'll go back to sleep." Make myself a cuppa, head into the 'laundry room', fill iron with water & switch it on. A pile of ironing awaits me - I can't put it off any longer. Come to computer, crank up Realplayer & open 3 albums worth of tracks by Il Divo - my favourite music to iron to. (I know I'm strange) Turn volume up (screw the neighbours - their brats make a much worse racket) & proceed to laundry room. I warble along to Il Divo. Even I admit it sounds bloody awful, so I try to whistle. Er.....it's a bit difficult with no teeth in - bugger. OK, I hum along to classic tracks like Uno Noche, Nella Fantasia & Nights in White Satin. I hum quietly, but raise my eyebrows alot......it's the passion in the music - duh! Grandma emerges from her pit & comes to find me. "What day is it today?" she says "It's Sunday Flowerpot.......what day did you think it was?" I answer. "Monday" she say accusingly. "If it was Monday I wouldn't be here would I? I'd be at the veggies." I say. "Well why didn't you tell me it was Sunday? I've been waiting for Double Jeopardy & Spin The Wheel to come on TV & that comes on on a Monday!" "So it's my fault it's only Sunday then?" "Oh shurrup, dya want a coffee?" Our LGOL* skulks off to the kitchen & I continue with the ironing. I hear the theme tune to the X-Files on grandmas TV, competing in decibel output with Il Divo. If I had my teeth in, they would be grinding in accustic agony right now............................. *LGOL = Little Grey-haired Old Lady  
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