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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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Thursday, December 14, 2006A VERY POLITICALLY INCORRECT CRIMBLE STORY There was this bloke outside the local shopping mall the other day, dressed all in red with white fur trimming and he was ringing a bell and yelling out for some woman, "Mary something-or-other".Well, I could tell this bloke was a feckin' nutter and a probable trouble-maker straight away and I reckoned he was probably hurting the business of the store owners in the mall so I decided I'd do everyone a favour ask him to move on. (This dickhead seems to turn up every year about this time and is always trying to get little kiddies to sit on his knee so I suspect he's a kiddie-fiddler too.) Anyway, mall security were there watching this guy and so I told my wife and two daughters to stay where they were while I approached him to ask him to fuck off. Next thing I know along come a group of his friends and, fuck me, they were all little dwarvish fuckers with pointy ears and all looking at me menacingly. Now, I'm not PC and I'm not scared to admit I hate them little fuckers. Not kids I mean, I love kids, love them with a passion in fact. It's them little fuckers who never grow up that shit me, but I knew where my duty to the good people shopping and the store owners lay so I continued to advance toward him. Anyway as I'm walking toward him he turns around and spots my wife and daughters and, without any provacation, suddenly yells at them calling them whores. Well, to be 100% accurate, he actually called each one of them a "ho" but I'm not dumb and I'm up with all that 'bubonics' that the ethnics speak so I knew what he was trying to say.Now anyone with a wife, girlfirend or daughter on here would have done the same thing. I king hit the c*nt and down he went. Then I kneed two of the short arse fuckers in the face and kicked a third one in the nuts. I could hear the crowd cheering me on in the background yelling things like "For God's sake, get him" and shit like this, but the little fuckers outnumbered me and I was starting to tire a bit. Thankfully though the mall security guys came and hauled me out of the fracas to get me out of harms way. The dickhead I floored was carrying on and wanted medical attention and all he had was a black eye, a split lip and a busted cheekbone. I said he must be a poofball player and was told to shut the fuck up by a security guard. (I took his advice as he must be a pissed off Chelsea supporter). Anyway, they took me around the corner and I figure that they didn't want me to get set upon by them little fuckers again so, to make it look like I'd already had enough, they gave me a bit of a punch or two in the face to bring up some bruises and make it look good. Oh and one of them belted me in the kidneys with his torch. Oh, that's right...another one kneed me in the nuts. But all in all they were pretty good about making it look like I'd been duffed up. Anyway, as the security guards dragged me out of the mall to safety afterwards, I could tell the crowd were really appreciative of my efforts because they were all clapping and cheering and whistling. My wife and kids were amazing too. They are street-smart enough to know that if they had raised a fuss the dwarvish fuckers would have probably set upon them next, so, to melt into the crowd, they cheered and clapped and whistled harder and louder than anyone else. You just feel so proud as a husband and father when you see your family are clever like that. So anyway guys, I've done my bit in this very PC world we live in to make the place safer for all of you'se and ya' can thank me and buy me a beer next time ya' see me.  
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