|
JAYNE WITH A WHY |
|
|
. : Recent Posts : .
IT'S AVAILABLE, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE THE RIGHT RELIGION . : Archives : .
January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
|
. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
. : Credits : .
Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
|
|||||
Tuesday, December 12, 2006AIR ZIMBABWE “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is your pilot Captain Gladstone Pambiri welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Air Zimbabwe. “We apologise for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery I run on the side. This is flight 126 to Harare. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Zimbabwe and, if luck is in our favour, that may be on your village! “Air Zimbabwe has an excellent safety record. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure that I announce that, starting this year, over 30 percent of our passengers have reached their destination. “If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request we can arrange to turn them off. “To make your free fall to Earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Stella tea and Rambawaraira biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! “We regret to inform you that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. “Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. “In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close to the ground as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark. “Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase and how to place your chickens in the overhead locker. “Please enjoy your flight with Air Zimbabwe.” That satire was sent in to the Daily Dispatch newspaper by David Melvill, which I have duly copied & posted here :-) On a personal note, I've had the (mis)fortune to fly on Air Zimbabwe several times. On one occasion, the Captain/Pilot addressed us passengers with the following statement: "Eyyy, eh....eh.... herro leddies an gentlemens, dis am yo Kepten spikkin" which was followed by several minutes of drivel concerning the flight time etc. This was then followed by: "And the wedder fukkers in Victoria Falls am very good for today" White knuckle death grip is a common affliction amongst Air Zim passengers! ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Oh it's so nice to see people like 'Andre' aren't afraid to put signs up that tell it like it is! Nice one boet!!   
|
