Before I get to my story, I need to explain a few things. I could write forever on the subject of racism, especially having spent two thirds of my life in South Africa. However, I'm the type of person who will call a spade a spade & if you don't like it, well tough tits & you'll know not to read any further. If I'm perceived to be racist, then at least I'm honest about it & you won't find me bleating quietly about it behind closed doors. I take the piss out of all nationalities - including my own - regardless of skin colour. I'm of the opinion that there is good & bad in every person, regardless of where they come from, what religion they are or what their skin colour is. If you can handle that, then read on.

A few years back, I joined Hubs on contract in Kenya. He was working for a major South African company, which was sub-contracted to a very large Japanese construction company. We lived in a 2 roomed wooden house, which in effect was a large garden shed. We had a spectacular view from the top of a small mountain, looking down over Lake Victoria. The project was a hydro-electric scheme on the Sondu river. We were part of a cast of very colourful characters - S'affies, Japanese, Nepalese, Filipino, Indian & Portugese. Some of the cast had nicknames (naturally) such as Tiger-san, Magic-san, Doris (the accountant), Nicknotthegreek, Septic Knuckles, Wakka & Flower.

There were a few wives on site, but not many. The Japanese men who were there were nearly all in the country on single status. The terms of their contract only allowed them to go home once every two years. (I thought that alone would make them a bit sour.) There was one Japanese wife on the accommodation camp, whom I shall call Mrs Magic & she was shunned by the majority of her menfolk, because she had allowed herself to become 'Westernised', as she smoked & drank alcohol. I think the men got pissed off with her because she was an exeptionally good mah-jong player & many of them lost 'face' when they were beaten by a woman.

The first 8-12mths of the contract went well..............too well for the Japanese. The S'affies got ahead of schedule, which in normal circumstances would be great, but the Japanese took great offense, because they'd been 'shown up'. They lost serious 'face' by the simple fact that 'our guys' didn't fart arse around - they got on with the job. So, we had a conflict of interests. Much paperwork was shuffled, many meetings were held, many phone calls were made & fuck all decisions were made, because (here's where I'll start to piss people off) Nips cannot make a decision by themselves. In their words, it is not possible.............arms are crossed in the fashion of an 'X' & the word "rejectoh" was heard from dawn 'til dusk. A decision cannot be made individually - it has to go down the chain of command & in our case, decisions had to be made by the powers that be in Japan. It would take weeks at a time to get simple decisions made, which was one of the reasons that they fell behind. So, they lost face by being shown up by the S'affies. They actually sabotaged the job. I won't go into detail, but I know it happened. Their sabotage left a very bitter taste & things weren't the same after that. There was a politically instigated riot on site, which made national newspaper headlines. The riot happened during the Christmas shutdown, when the majority of S'affies went home. When we all came back in the January, we were treated like lepers by the Nips. The whole camp attitude changed & there was an open feeling of antagonism directed towards 'our' guys. It wasn't nice & that's putting it mildly. No reasons were given for the antagonism, but the newly adopted 'air of superiority' & work will be done according to the Japanese 'way' became unbearable for many of the guys. Wives became unhappy, because their men were unhappy. Wheels were put in motion & one by one, the S'affies resigned to take up other jobs in other countries.

One of the S'affies on the hydro-scheme was/is a chap called Cuzz. Hubs & Cuzz have worked together on several contracts in both West & East Africa. They're good friends & even better drinking buddies! Cuzz is very good at imitating accents. He spoke a native Zambian language before he learned to speak English. He's an incredibly loveable rogue & I could write a book on some of the antics he's got up to in the past! (He's got us banned from a certain golf club in Kenya, after imitating the Club chairman at a prize-giving event!) So, when the Japanese made work virtually impossible for Cuzz, he also decided to look elsewhere for another job. It didn't take long & he resigned. Mogwai-san (the Project Manager) was most upset & tried to pursuade Cuzz to stay on. Cuzz's reply was "rejectoh". The next month passed quickly & Cuzz prepared to make his exit. The Nips organised a farewell party for him, which he certainly didn't want, because he'd begun to loathe his 'colleagues'. On the night of his farewell party, Cuzz came down to our shack for a few toots, just to kind of get 'in the mood'.

I just happened to have a small toke of some local Kenyan weed. I'd had it for months & think I was waiting for the right occasion to use it.* I asked Hubs & Cuzz if they fancied a spliff...........what the hell...........yeah, why not?! We shared one at home & then I took one up to the communal 'mess', which we again shared. We all got a fit of the giggles & Cuzz started singing "Take Me Home-oh Country Road-oh" in true Japanese style**...............I swear John Denver must've turned cartwheels in his grave! I somehow don't think the remaining Beatles would be impressed to know "Hey Jude-oh" has been remastered, Japanese style.

Much Johnny Walker was consumed by everyone who attended Cuzz's farewell at the mess (excluding me of course) & with the spliff adding to the merriment, Cuzz was on a non-stop roll. He sang "Nippity-do-dah" (as opposed to Dippity-do-dah) & the Japanese guys joined in, too drunk to realise the irony of it.

What started off as a really interesting construction project & one desperately needed by the Kenyan people, turned out to be an utter disaster, engulfed in corruption & political interferance. The project was to be in two Phases. We stayed for the (near) completion of Phase One & like the other guys, left for another country & another job. Phase One of the scheme was completed, but thanks to the corruption, Phase Two was shelved as funding can't be obtained. Kenya sits with a very large white elephant - a half completed Hydro-electric scheme. Sad, very sad.