Thursday, February 23, 2006

Dead Bird Sparks Concern Among Abu Dhabi Residents

(This is my take on an article that appeared - under the same heading - in a recent edition of Gulf News)



A concerned Abu Dhabi resident today complained bitterly to anyone that would listen, regarding the fate of a deceased pigeon, which ‘just happened’ to die outside his apartment building. The resident, known only as A.A.M. bin S.A. initially suspected the expired bird to be ‘just resting’, but after nudging it several times with his left foot & spitting on it repeatedly, he realised the bird had indeed expired. Upon this realisation, he proceeded to phone the local police. Unfortunately they could not assist him with any help, as every single one of their officers was “too busy” dealing with 427 road traffic accidents, that were currently in progress (due to the rain) in & around the city, which left the ‘Manual Beverage Dispenser’ to man the phones. The above mentioned declined to give his name, but admitted to Mr A.A.M. bin S.A. that he had mistakenly disconnected an important telephone call from the Station Commander & therefore feared for his life – after making the next cup of Liptons.

Mr A.A.M. bin S.A. then telephoned the Veterinary Clinic of the Tourism Authority in Bani Yas and was informed by an automated answering service that no one was available to take his call at the current time, as all staff had been seconded to the local police force to help with the current 427 traffic accidents that were occurring at the present time, due to the rain. The Tourism Authority voice message stated that all forms of tourism to the UAE was vitally important to the ‘rest of the world’ especially now, as P & O had sold their docks to a UAE Consortium. All other calls relating to the Tourism Authority and/or it’s Divisions, Sub-Divisions, Departments, Sub-Departments, Directors, Managers & Anyone Else Who Gets To Work Before 10am But Leaves Before 11am, would be forwarded to the Insect and Rodent Control Centre of the General Health Department at Abu Dhabi Municipality.
Having listened to the recorded message another four times, Mr A.A.M bin S.A. took it upon himself to contact the Gulf News & Sky News in an effort bring public awareness to the possible outbreak of ‘Bird Flu’ which may happen as a result of the death of the pigeon outside his apartment building. A Gulf News reporter, photographer, avian health specialist – currently on an enormous retainer thanks to the Bird Flu – and Sub-Editor arranged to meet with Mr A.A.M. bin S.A. to see the ‘evidence’ for themselves. By the time they had arrived at the apartment block, a sizable crowd had gathered, in order to watch the ensuing chaos of the 426th vehicular accident as it hit a large puddle & skidded to an abrupt halt, killing 2 stray cats & narrowly missing another pigeon. By this time, the mental stability of the concerned resident – Mr A.A.M. bin S.A – became evident, as he was questioned by the Gulf News reporter. He became very agitated & expressed his desire to leave the ‘scene’ because he didn’t want his face to be photographed. He denied any knowledge of actually finding the dead pigeon (see picture) & said he had to leave immediately, in order to receive medical treatment in Riyadh for an unspecified ailment.



The dead pigeon was not immediately located by an Inspector ‘of many years experience’ from the Insect and Rodent Control Centre of the General Health Department at Abu Dhabi Municipality, who arrived just as other concerned residents began chasing Mr A.A.M. bin S.A. up the street. The Inspector examined the 2 dead cats & declared that they had definitely not died from the Bird Flu. He then made a thorough examination of a ‘poorly looking pigeon’ which had narrowly escaped being hit by vehicle strongly resembling a taxi from Al Ain. The pigeon was deemed to be merely ‘shook up’ & was then released by being thrown up into the air, whereupon it hit the front windscreen of a black Mercedes, which was being cleaned by an itinerant car washer…………………..
A rain-sodden worker from the Department of Sanitation later discovered a dead pigeon, which had obviously been flattened by heavy pedestrian traffic – there being very little vehicular traffic left, due to the accidents. After some rather strenuous interrogation by another Inspector from the Insect and Rodent Control Centre of the General Health Department at Abu Dhabi Municipality, he later admitted to selling the remains of the pigeon to a group of very thin brown men lurking behind the nearest palm tree.

On Sky News tonight, it was reported that a ‘major outbreak’ of Bird Flu had occurred in Abu Dhabi, due to all the rain.
Posted by Jayne :: 17:13 :: 0 Had Somminc To Say

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