Had a new dishwasher delivered & installed. First time it's used, water spewed across the kitchen floor. Installation team returned, did somminc, told me the problem was fixed. Tried the machine again. Water all over kitchen floor......again. Following morning; Building maintenance came up to the apartment - poked & prodded - told me the outlet pipe was blocked - much water & crud later, pipe is unblocked. Whoop-de-do, got to use my dishwasher for real. Put it on the wrong setting & could've washed dishes from a 300 place setting 8 course meal in the time it took for the fekkin machine to finish its cycle. Grandma read book of destructions. I read book of destructions. Got magnifying glass out to check correct diagram settings on poxy machine. Finally it's now up, running & doing what it should do in the correct amount of time.

Water dripping from main en-suite bathroom ceiling. Building maintenance come up to fix it. Coupla hours later, water dripping from main en-suite bathroom again. Building maintenance come up & fix it again. Following day, water pissing through main en-suite bathroom ceiling. Different building maintenance person comes up, complete with ladders & impressive looking canvas bag of magical tools. Several hours & much watery mess on floor, bath, toilet etc. am told problem is fixed. Following day, no hot water in main en-suite bathroom. Thinks: Do we need hot water or do we risk building maintenace again? Phone maintenance...............diagnosis: new water heater. Bollocks.

Hubs went to Dubai - Ministry of Wonders & Blunders re. Grandma's residence permit. Was told by certain official individual to come back at 1.00pm. Hubs arrived at 12.55pm. Aforementioned certain official individual saw hubs, told him to wait............so he did..............for almost 2hrs. Hubs then informed by boss of certain official individual that he'd gone home at 1pm. Hubs mad as a spitting cobra.

Grandma's visit visa expired. Best idea - nut over to Doha & come back for another 60 day visa. Book & pay for tickets..............she gets lost in the apartment..........too dangerous to let her go alone, so I'm her tour guide. Get to airport for 6am. Check in no worries. Passport control officer declares Grandma's visa expired 3 days prior............have to pay AED300 plus AED100 'administration' fee. Don't have cash on me. Flight is being called already. Have to leave passport control & run like a lunatic to nearest ATM - incidentally on another floor & about 500m away. Flight is being called again. Am sweating. Put card in ATM & enter PIN. ATM swallows card - spits out receipt telling me to go to nearest bank*. Muttered choice obscenities, put another card & PIN in, got my money. Bitch called the flight again. Get back to passport control, sweat blinding my eyes. Pay the fine, collect little grey haired old lady & try not to drag her to departure gate. Bitch called final FINAL boarding call. Flight took off early. Doha airport fascinating for Grandma. Bought another fridge magnet. 90mins later, back on plane to Abu Dhabi. Stop in Duty Free to get a dop & smokes. Sales-ratbag in shop tells me new restrictions from 1st July - no longer allowed 2,000 cigarettes per person - only 400 each now. Shit shit shit. Get Grandma another visa stamp in her passport. (Phew!) Hubs pulled up outside just as we left the building - somminc to smile about :-) Have 40 winks on sofa that afternoon. Go to bed with migraine that evening.

Get a call from shipping agent in Port Zayed. Crate from SA has arrived. We must collect & pay AED100 for the paperwork. Wrong. Told agent I'd arranged for & paid for door-to-door delivery of sed crate. Agent tells me he now must get in touch with SA shipping agent. Will phone me next day. Four days later - no phone call. Agent handling my case mysteriously not in office when I phone. Eventually spit my dummy & get correct info+explanation from company Manager. I phone shipping agent in SA & they deny all knowledge of door-to-door arrangement (like I shit the idea???) & therefore not their problem. Local shipping agent agrees to deliver my crate after much discussion & additional AED700.

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The building maintenance dipstick is treading on very thin ice. A new water heater/geyser thingy was fitted today, so God help him if anything goes wrong with the bloody thing. I'm sick of having water dripping from the ceiling & then having to mop up a continual mess after he's supposedly fixed the problem.

Everything in my crate from SA arrived without any damage & I now have some of my more special curios here, which has made the apartment look like a real home. Favourite pictures are on the walls already & there's a story behind every carving, wall hanging or mask. For anyone wanting to send stuff from SA, DON'T use Schenker as a shipping agent.

I managed to get 4 packets of 6 mini pig meat pies for Hubs today, as well as 6 boxes of battered cod fillets, an E magazine (always bloody scarce) & a jar of Bovril. I also booked flights for Spadge, Shans & Chikkin for Crimble, plus flights to Cairo for me & Hubs in late October.

I was quite happy, until just now..............Grandma made me a cup of TEA, which had a teaspoonful of coffee & 3 sweeteners in it as well......................

*I put my credit card in the ATM & entered the normal bank card PIN. Very bad Duh! moment by yours truly...........