I went to see my veggies today...............I mean, I went & did my stint at the rehab centre. I have so many mixed feeling about the place, I honestly do. Feelings that range from utter frustration to pure joy & happiness. Every week is different. The patients are the same, the staff are the same, but every week, something new happens & I normally come home smiling to myself. Today, altho' I'm upbeat about the 'guys', I'm also concerned about a particular patient. His nickname is 'Sexy Eyes' & in a real world, this guy would have the wimmin positively swooning over him, as he is drop dead gorgeous & also has the sexiest dark eyes I've ever seen on a man :-) However, he's in another world completely, as he is severely handicapped. He'd been missing from the ward for almost 2mths & I was told it was due to him having an operation. To the best of my knowledge, he had something done to his pelvis. I was told that it was 'difficult' for the nursing staff to change his diaper, so he was shipped off for an operation to make it 'easier'. I have a horrible suspicion that the surgeon(s) broke his pelvis & then reset it. I'm just guessing here..........to ask anything other than the general well being of a patient is regarded as highly suspicious by the hospital administrators...............that's because the patients don't really exist outside of the centre. God/Allah/Whoever forbid handicapped people should be visible here! Anyway, a couple of weeks ago, I was told that He with the Eyes was back in his general ward, but it was too early for him to participate in the music therapy class (the one where I volunteer). Myself & another expat volunteer trundled down to his ward to pay him a little visit..........telling him how we missed him & how nice it was to see him back again......awwww :-) He was a bit confused initially, but we managed to get a smile out of him.

Today, Sexy Eyes was back in the room where we have our music therapy. As I walked in this morning, 'High 5' did his Chewbacca impersonation ("aaaarrrrggghhh aarrghhh") & 'Gummy Bear' held my hands & examined my rings again, with his oh so delicate fingers. 'Chewy' was making a meal out of his bib - it was dripping in saliva & stank, but he didn't seem to care. He held my hand & gave me some lovely shy smiles. 'Frodo' was in his wheelchair & he gave me a few hearty chuckles when we played 'ninganinganing' - that's me doing a finger walk up his arm & then very gently twiddling his nose. 'Mr Puffy' was puffing away as usual & I was given a smashing little soft kiss on the cheek from another patient who has Downs Syndrome. After kissing me, he went back to sucking his toes.........

I spent as much time as I could with 'Sexy Eyes' today. He was a little bit 'out of sorts' as it were, as he frowned quite a bit to begin with. It didn't take long for me to get him to smile though! All I had to do was wink at him. The look on his face is absolutely priceless bless him & after 2 or 3 winks, his face breaks into the most beautiful of smiles. He even laughed today & clicked his fingers.....a trick he does only on rare occasions! He made me smile & went all coy when I told him he was just so clever! I'm bloody sure he can't understand me, but he knows how to get a reaction by simply smiling.

Shortly before I left today, as the music tape finished & the noise subsided, Sexy Eyes started crying. Three of us volunteers were by his side within seconds & were trying to placate him - it was heartbreaking to see him so upset. One of the nurses sauntered up, declared that he might need some painkillers & then shipped him back to the ward.........

So, I left the rehab centre with a heavy heart this morning. I was happy in some respects, because it gives me so much pleasure to bring a little bit of variety into these mens lives, but it also saddens me that the only way the patients can communicate is either by smiling or crying. They can't tell me they have a headache, that they're really uncomfortable, that they're hungry or thirsty. I've seen several of the patients flinch when a nurse approaches them & it angers me, as I really do suspect their heavy handedness, but I can do nothing without proof. I'm a nobody in the great scheme of things, but it doesn't stop me from worrying & caring.