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Wednesday, October 27, 2010PERSIL WON'T WASH IN THIS TOWNThere is a town, in the Northern Cape, which until recently, held a mystery for a very good friend of mine. This friend moved to the town earlier this year & as a stranger to the area, my friend took the time to drive around & become acquainted with shops & streets. It didn't take long for my friend to notice something rather strange, when driving around the suburban streets. In various houses, my friend noticed a box of washing powder placed strategically in the front windows. It was a rather unusual thing to come across, because after all, the majority of us wimmin tend to keep the laundry detergent either under the sink or in the actual laundry...................so naturally, my friend was curious.  In some windows, there would be a box of Omo & in other windows, a box of Skip.  After several months of absolute curiosity, my friend plucked up the courage to ask a local inhabitant of the town. "What's with the washing powder in the windows of peoples houses?" my friend enquired. "Ahhh, well it's like a code" replied the local. "Code for what?" asked my friend - whose curiosity had grown considerably! "Well, the easiest way to explain it is there's like a wife-swapping club in this town. If a guy drving by sees Omo in the window, it means 'Old Man's Out' & the coast is clear for a bit of nooky. If he sees Skip in the window, it means the husband is home & he must 'skip' on by!"
Now y'all know!
And by the way, this is 100% true.
 
Wednesday, October 13, 2010AIRPORTS - GREAT FOR PEOPLE WATCHING Airports can be strange places. You can see a whole range of emotions on travellers faces, or on those who have come to say goodbye to friends or family.We had a 5hr wait for our flight out of Tegel airport in Berlin & some of the things I saw that day, seem to have stayed in my mind. One of those instances was of a mother with a toddler, at the airport to say goodbye to her husband/partner & father of the child. The man had already passed through the check-in counter had come to stand at the glass wall that separates passengers from the rest of the public. He was knelt down, close to the ground & on the other side of the glass, his wife was holding onto their child, who for several very long minutes, was screaming hysterically "daddy..............daddddyyyyy!" The child - no more than 3yrs of age - was utterly distraught, sobbing uncontrollably & like I said, between sobs, screaming frantically for her daddy. This wasn't a quick, fond farewell. This was an act of pure sadism on the mothers part! It's not like the woman couldn't see of hear what her child was doing - fuckin' hell, the sound of an A380 starting up its engines would've been drowned out by the screams from this little human. I hope the bitch suffered with a headache from hell after dragging out the prolonged goodbye for her child! Scenes like that tend to linger in little minds & I wouldn't mind betting the poor sprog throws a right wobble the next time her mum says they're going to the airport. I saw a girl - in her mid teens I reckon, with green highlighted hair. Green. She was with another dingbat & they walked past the queue at the check-in counter several times. Trying to get attention perhaps? Looking like a mouldy twat? Definitely. Outside the airport, there is an old railway carriage, that has been converted into a cafe/restaurant. There were quite a few people milling around. One chap, dressed in a T-shirt (bearing his club name) & tracksuit pants, quite literally appeared to enjoy every single mouthful of the glass of beer he was drinking. He'd run the Berlin Marathon & had the medal draped around his neck to prove it. Methinks he rewarded himself for his effort. Another man stood near the railway carriage & he really caught my attention. He was what I'd call a toff - you could just tell by his appearance that he wasn't your average accountant/headmaster/doctor - he was a proper toff (innit). He was impeccably dressed in a tailored sports jacket, designer shirt & trousers, with brown brogue shoes. The only thing missing was a monocle. He sipped his beer, spoke quietly on his cellphone & smoked his cigarette oh so elegantly, all the while pacing to & fro in what appeared to be a mild form of frustration. I could just imagine him telling someone that it was 'bleddy infuriating having to wait for the chauffeur to bring the Bentley around - damn peasants have no concept of time what?'. He probably went home & buggered his teddybear senseless. Just before we headed back into the terminal building, I watched a scruffy looking bloke, going around all the people stood having a drink or a smoke near the restaurant. He said "cigarette" - nothing else. No "please, can you spare me a smoke?", just "cigarette". After approaching half a dozen people & getting no joy, he sloped off to the shadows, whipped out a packet of fags & lit one of his own! It takes all sorts to make the world go around hey?
Tuesday, October 05, 2010EUROPE TOUR Part 3 As we arrived at our hotel for the night in Zagreb, several thousand suckers exited the conference centre - opposite the hotel - where they had attended a Godbothering (give them your money & they'll save your soul kinda thing) meeting. They blocked the hotel entrance, the reception desk & the parking lot. We were not amused. Thankfully they cleared off within half an hour.  The day before we arrived in Zagreb, several rivers had flooded due to torrential rain. It was heartbreaking to see heaps of fields of crops & grazing land badly flooded.  A street, hastily snapped whilst riding through Slovenia. At least it wasn't raining.  We got stuck in a traffic jam, which trailed back friggin' miles. There was no warning of what the problem was & traffic in the opposite direction was flowing smoothly. Like everyone else, we sat & fumed for an hour. Turns out the roadwork crew decided to close the lane completely. Arseholes.  On the road again...........Salzburg here we come!  With the exception of our hotel in Prague, every hotel we stayed in during the tour, classified the above as a 'double'. It's 2 single beds pushed together, not a double! And what's with the sleeping bag style duvet? Duvets were folded width-wise on the bed, which essentially meant you have to shake it out & lay it the long way on the bed, before climbing into yer perch. Europeans are strange people.  The scenery just outside of Salzburg was stunning - incredible mountains & lush green grass - what a pleasure!  'Mirror' gardens at Hellbrunn Palace. In true German/Austrian precision, each side of the garden has been created/landscaped to be the perfect image of the opposite side.  In the heart of Salzburg, the rather splendid gardens of the Mirabell Palace are open to the public to mosey around. The gardens are absolutely awesome. I could've quite happily stayed there for several days, perhaps reading a good book, or maybe doing a spot of people watching. (Gawd, there are some weird folk about!)    Fabulous scenery, on the road from Salzburg to Nuremberg. (Please note my keyboard doesn't have a key with 2 little dots that sit on top of letters, so I couldn't spell the city the other way - Nurnberg)  On our trusty steed at the Harley dealer in Nuremberg.  When we eventually arrived back in Berlin, the heavens opened again & that, along with rotgut courtesy of a dodgy kebab, made doing touristy things a bit unpleasant. We managed to get a taxi, which took us to Checkpoint Charlie but a big chunk of the city became 'out of bounds' thanks to the Berlin Marathon.  Hubs & myself next to the most misquoted phrase in Germany. Gotta love it! On the whole, we had a great tour with good friends - the weather for the first 4 days was really kak - it rained buckets & was bloody cold. From the 5th day onwards, the sun came out & it made riding so much nicer. I personally was really impressed with the standard of driving by cagers & truckers throughout each country - they're courteous towards bikers, which makes a nice change. I detested the attitude of the locals in Bratislava yet fell in love with the friendliness of people in Salzburg. We rode through other major towns/cities, such as Brno & Munich & generally took in as much as we could see, given the limited time available. We bought Harley T-shirts in every dealership we visited, which meant that we came home pretty loaded down! (Fridge magnets don't take up much space!) Finally, I really must give a plug to a guy who has started up an invaluable service. Parking at airports can be really costly. We weren't in the position to get friends to drop us off, so we had to take T2 to the airport. A friend of mine here in Schleppalale, told me about a new parking service at Oliver Tampon Airport (aka Joburg International). Martin, from S U Parking will collect your vehicle from the airport, store it in a secure warehouse & be at the airport to meet you on your return. I made arrangements with him beforehand & I couldn't have asked for better service. He was waiting for us at the airport before our departure & had T2 ready & waiting for us on our arrival back from the tour. In total, it cost us ZAR640 for the collection, storage & delivery of T2, which is less than 50% of what it would have cost us if we'd left the bike in the actual airport carpark. Labels: Berlin, Brno, Harley Davidson, Munich, Nuremberg, Salzburg, SU Parking at Joburg Airport, Zagreb
The general population of Bratislava are a miserable bunch of pikeys. Unhelpful & a tad confrontational would be the easiest way to describe them. Doris, the little lady who lives in the GPS had difficulty in locating our hotel. I saw a huge 'information' sign on the wall of another hotel, so I made my way in & being polite, first greeted the martyr on reception, then asked if she could direct us to our booked hotel. "This is not information" she spat. Fuckin' funny thinks me, cos yer sign outside says differently! She condescendingly 'informed' me where to locate the 'missing' hotel. It was in a pedestrian only street. As we prepared to enter sed street, a rather aggressive local told us if we entered the street or indeed stayed where we were (temporarily parked on a paved 'space') he would call the police. Welcome to Bratislava! (Fuck you pal!) The only good thing I can say about the place is the local restaurants are dirt cheap & they allow smoking.  Doris - aforementioned little lady who lives in the GPS - took us along this road, stupid bloody bitch.  Thankfully there was enough room to get the bikes around the blockade & we carried on to join the motorway, which would take us to our next destination - Budapest.  As seen from atop the tour bus & taken at speed - Heroes Square    Taken from aboard the tour boat - the rather magnificent Parliament Building.  The throbbing metropolis of Budapest, Hungary. I booked a 2 night stay in Budapest at the   Budapest was great. We did the touristy thing & caught a 'hop on-off' tour bus, which included a trip down the Danube. Pukka! I really enjoyed it, particularly the architecture. Sadly, many buildings are standing empty, thanks to the economic downturn. Alarmingly, the majority of buildings, no matter where they are, are plastered in various forms of graffiti. The food was good. The men had a field day in a particular restaurant that had 87 different kinds of beer available. They gave up after the nth number. I had 3 pints (over 2 nights I might add!) of 'Floris Garden Kriek' which was a rather yummy cherry flavoured beer. Somewhere between Bratislava & Budapest, we stopped by a watering hole, where Mikey made himself at home with a barrel of Jack :-D  Labels: Bratislava, Budapest, Danube, Floris Garden Kriek, Jack Daniels
I'm the first to admit I have a bloody awful memory, so for the last 2 tours we've done (with friends) I've made an effort to make notes on my trusty DingleBerry. But having said that, I thought I'd do a synopsis of the tour, 'cos otherwise you lot would be yawning.............. Met up with Mikey, Max & TLT in Berlin. Much catching-up over various liquid refreshments. Following morning, load up the bikes & head for Prague.  It rained. It was cold. (bitch moan)  German roads are good. Czech Republic roads suck. Czech Republic is held together by roadworks. Czech Republic is partially owned by Tesco. Their fucking massive advertising boards are a blight on the landscape. Prague was nice, even in the shite weather.  Sadly, Max & TLT had to leave us, as they nutted off to Franfurt to buy a dog.   Wenceslas Square (oh he of the Crimble Carol) Prague, full of dodgy casinos & porn establishments. (There is a Marks & Sparks as well, but it didn't have any crumpets or pork pies. *sigh*) Having watched It was well worth it.    A quick trip to the Harley dealer in Bratislava revealed this sign:  I suspect is was planted by a non- Harley rider who thought he had a sense of humour. Labels: Berlin, Bratislava, Henry-whinge-Cole, Kutna Hora, Prague, Tesco
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