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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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Tuesday, March 30, 2010POST TURTLE While sewing a cut on the hand of a 75 year old farmer, who's hand was caught in the gate while working cattle, the doctor struck up a conversation with the old man. Eventually the topic got around to the ANC and Julius Malema The old farmer said, 'Well, you know, in my opinion, Malema is a 'Post Turtle''. Not being familiar with the term, the doctor asked him, what a 'post turtle' was. The old farmer said, 'When you're driving down a country road and you come across a fence post with a turtle balanced on top, that's a 'post turtle'. The old farmer saw the puzzled look on the doctor's face so he continued to explain. 'You know he didn't get up there by himself, he doesn't belong up there, he doesn't know what to do while he's up there, and you just wonder what kind of dumb bugger put him up there to begin with.' I'm bloody sure there are heaps of people all over the world who feel the same way about their own so-called politicians!  
Friday, March 12, 2010CURRICULUM VITAE Just recently, I had the daunting task of chucking a CV together for myself. All the time I was trawling through my cranial sludge, trying to remember lost years & memorable employers, I kept thinking about the person who would actually read about me & my 'working' life. If I were to put myself in their shoes, I'd be shredding my CV at warp speed. Mind you, I must admit, some bloody good memories resurfaced. My only hope is that whoever gets to read my CV will have a sense of humour, even if the shredder sits hovering. A hypothetical interview would go something like this............ (PE - Prospective Employer, probably young enough to be my son/daughter) PE: I see you were educated in England, but you haven't listed any qualifications? ME: Nah, that's cos my parents hatched a cunning plan to emigrate, so I was dragged kicking & screaming from high school 3mths before sitting my O-Levels. They gave me the choice of going back to school or trying to find a job when we settled & being a rebel-without-a-clue, I chose the latter. PE: What did you study at college? ME: Computer programming, but what I learnt is obsolete now. Remember when computers ran on magnetic tape? PE: Ummmm, no. *confused look* OK, moving on...........you were a nurse for a while? Why did you leave? ME: Well, one of the ward sisters was a real psycho - if she was in charge during the night-shift & there was a full moon that night, whoa, she'd do some pretty strange things. Another ward sister made me go up to the mortuary & extract the dentures out of a patient who'd died 2 days previously..........jeez, you ever tried prising a stiffs mouth open & cranking the jaws open wide enough to get the dentures out? I was alot stronger in those days. Scary stuff! I guess I finally left after I told the hospital matron she wasn't fit to sweep floors, let alone nurse sick patients. She refused to enter a private ward because it smelled unpleasant. The patient was dying from stomach cancer. I stayed with him until he died, but the matron wouldn't even go in his room & that offended me. PE: Ahhhh...........well.......it says here that you worked for a major supermarket chain in the early 90's. Can you tell me what your duties involved? ME: Well, I was in charge of handling & banking all of the fat back-hander cheques that suppliers gave the company for special 'promotions'. I had the responsibility of the Company petty cash & much of my time was spent asking Company reps that travelled vast distances, just exactly what made them so special that they could have a chelsea bun with their cup of tea at a freeway service station. My supervisor was fanatical about the petty cash & considering she was a (retired) major in the armed forces I didn't want to challenge her. If she could save the Company 50 cents on a jam doughnut, she would. The Cash Office was a place where only the brave would approach the 'teller' type window. I think I survived longer than my predecessors because I've got a sense of humour...........plus the fact I mastered the art of understanding my supervisors speech defect. I never did get to meet 'Birry' from the bank though. PE: You state that you worked for a glass company - can you tell me what your duties involved? ME: Mainly dealing with stupid people. It could be a very challenging job some days, especially when a customer wanted a piece of glass that had been measured with a length of wool, which stretches. *sigh* I must admit I enjoyed my job though & had a great boss. PE: Why did you leave? ME: Because my husband was working expat status & he said I no longer had to work, as we were financially stable. PE: Oh..............but after being out of the 'workplace' for some 12yrs, why do you want to start again? ME: How long have you got?
Wednesday, March 03, 2010EWWWWW & OWWWWWAs Hubs parked T2 up in the garage - after a smashing Sunday afternoon ride - something caught my attention on the ground. Now I know we've got a few black widow spiders squatting in the garage & they don't particularly bother me, so long as they stay where they are, but after Sunday, I'm beginning to wonder if I mustn't thin out their population.............  I saw a small lizard had become trapped in the spiders web & it was it's thrashing around which had caught my attention. Mama Spider must've been quite chuffed with herself to catch such a nice dinner!  As soon as the lizard realised it wasn't going to go anywhere in a hurry, Mama Spider moved in for a taste.  I crouched down to try & get some good shots, cos I mean this is Nature at work innit? (All the while wondering how the hell I'd get my bulk outa the garage in a hurry if that bloody spider so much as looked my way!)  Mama Spider started on the tail & I can tell you, by the following morning, there was bugger all evidence left of there ever being a small lizard in her web. I know lizards & ghecko's have the ability to 'ditch' their tails in times of danger or crisis, but I actually watched this spider cut her way through it. The poor likkle lizard's heart was beating profusely - I could see its torso pumping furiously - but it definitely fought a losing battle. All together now.......aaaaaaawwwwwwwww. Ag shame. So that's the ewwwww bit. Now here's the owwwww bit.  I had a 'basal cell carcinoma' growth cut out of my neck on Monday. The actual process was pretty painless, but bugger, it's uncomfortable having your neck sliced up! (I asked the doc if she'd like to do my double chin(s) as well, but she declined. Bugger!) It'll take about a week for the results to come through, but I reckon the doc got everything, so I'm not too worried. I'll just be glad when I can have a proper shower again & turn my head without yelling "Owwwww"!
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