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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Tuesday, February 17, 2009EXTENDED COFFEE BREAK I'm taking an extended coffee break from my blog. My parents - Dubs & Pup - are finally making the journey to come & see myself & Hubs in the Sandpit. They'll be leaving Souf Efrica tomorrow & I'll be tracking every leg of their journey until they arrive at the camels fart on Thursday morning. They're both into their 70's & this holiday has turned their mundane little retired world into a whole heap of excitement............bless 'em. Dubs has had 4 spinal fusion operations over the last 2 decades, which has left her with alot of pain, but she's so pumped up right now - about the trip - that I think all pain has faded into the background. Number 1 on her list of Things To Do In The Sandpit is :  go for a ride on Tallulah - YAY! Hubs has promised to take Dubs out & she's soooo excited! I just hope all the nuts & bolts holding her spine together can handle what will hopefully be the ride of her life. Pup has had a spot of trouble with his ticker & a couple of DVT's has left his lower legs a permanent shade of purple & black. He's really had to slow down nowadays & it pisses him off somminc chronic! He's spent 95% of his working life in the construction industry & he's well keen to see some of the major projects going on here. Give him a hard hat & safety boots, stick him on a construction site & he's well happy! Naturally I'll be taking them to a few touristy spots in & around Abu Dhabi, but I sure as hell ain't taking 'em through to DoBuy. So in closing, I just want to say an almighty big Thank You to my wonderful husband. Thank you my babe, for EVERYTHING. I love you infinite heaps & especially more on Fridays :-)   
Saturday, February 14, 2009FOR JIMMY BASTARDThe Glasgow Rangers Manager flies to Baghdad to watch a young Iraqi playfootball. He is suitably impressed and arranges for the Iraqi lad to come over to Scotland. Two weeks later the Rangers are 4-0 down to Aberdeen with only 20 minutes left. The Manager gives the young Iraqi striker the nod, and on he goes.The lad is a sensation and scores 5 goals in 20 minutes and wins the game for Rangers.The fans are delighted, the players and coaches are delighted and the media love the new star. When the player comes off the pitch, he phones his Mum to tell her about his first day in Scottish football. "Hello Mum, guess what?" He says in an Iraqi accent, "I played for 20minutes today, we were 4-0 down but I scored 5 and we won. Everybodyloves me - the fans, the media they all love me". "Wonderful", says his Mum, "let me tell you about my day. Your father got shot in the street and robbed, your sister and I were ambushed, gang-raped and beaten, and your brother has joined a gang of looters and all while you were having such a great time". The young lad is very upset. "What can I say Mum, except that I am very sorry?" "Sorry?!!! Sorry?!!!" Says his Mum, "It's your bloody fault we moved to Glasgow in the first place!!"
 'Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. . If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. . If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. . If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. . If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. . She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit. Labels: wimmin are ALWAYS right
Sunday, February 08, 2009SNOT FUNNY The other day I was in a taxi, on my way to Abu Dhabi Mall. The taxi driver initially bitched about having to go there, which I'm taking for granted is normal nowadays. The constant whine of "too much traffic!" from taxi drivers does my 'ead in.................like the whole friggin city ain't full of block-to-block traffic 22hrs a day??? Once the taxi driver realised he didn't have an audience to his bleating, I settled back into a favourite pasttime - people watching. . As usual, for every totally blacked out windowed vehicle I passed, I wondered why nothing had been done. It seems blatantly obvious that there's definitely 2 laws regarding window tinting - one law for those with wasta & one for those who don't have wasta. I had my silent bitch, which normally consists of wishing evil things to the dipshits who can see no further than 6" in front of the dashboard & continued my 'watching'. . Despite very clear signalling, way too many pedestrians choose to play chicken with cars when it comes to robots (traffic lights). It's amazing how many people think they're invincible, whereas in the real world, they're nothing more than fucking idiots. . . Something I did happen to see that day, on my way to the dreaded mall ("too much traffic!" wobble wobble "too much traffic!") was a bloke in a car, which was pulled alongside my taxi at a busy intersection. This bloke spent the following 2-3mins trying to get all the bats out of his dual caves. He dug away in the one cave, inspected his findings, checked his nose in the wing mirror & then flicked the offending contents off of the end of his finger. Ahhhh...........right............well, I s'pose we're all guilty of the odd 'digging for gold' moment. It's just that this oke, after digging out the crud from one cave, swiftly shifted his finger & attention to the other cave & boy, did he come up with gold! It took a couple of attempts, but he appeared very determined to get the offending long, wet & green chunk of snot from the absolute depths of his nostril. I KNOW it was long, wet & green, 'cos I saw it way too clearly for my liking! He dangled his 'prize' off of the end of a digit, looked at it for a moment & then tried to shake it off..................... . . It wouldn't budge. . . It was a real wet snollie & stuck like shit to a blanket. . He flicked his finger first & then shook his hand, but the offending snollie merely spread with the effort & refused to be removed by physical jerking. Realising that he was fighting a losing battle, he held his arm out of the car window, checked his rearview mirror to see if the cave was clear & then took off as soon as the lights changed...........................flick, flick, flick.......................... . So if you happened to find a considerable chunk of snot splattered across your car last week, it was probably courtesy of the above driver.
Wednesday, February 04, 2009SLIGHTLY ANCIENTI am 18,628 days old today.  Fifty one sounds a whole lot less.
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