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Saturday, December 13, 2008

Y'know, early on in our trip, I had a blonde moment (one of many) & realised I'd left all our booking details & maps to where we were staying in my suitcase, which was being kept at the Harley dealership in Rivonia. I knew off by heart all the names of the places I'd made bookings, but without the local area maps, had no idea where each place was. This is where South African gets a huge big 'Thumbs Up' because everything was so well signposted. Every single B&B we stayed in was well signposted from all the main roads, no matter which end of town we came in from. Anyway, with no hassle whatsoever, we found our final chilling out spot - the wonderful Khayamanzi guest house. Host Carl made us all extremely welcome & made sure we wanted for nothing.

That afternoon, we simply relaxed in the garden, enjoying the bloody smashing weather. During the whole 10 day trip, we only had one day that was a bit miserable. That evening, we took a 2 minute ride into town & had yet another fantastic meal. I think ALL of us put on weight in those 10 days, because the food - wherever we went & wherever we ate - was fantastic! That evening, under the thatch lapa pictured above, we had an absolute blast playing charades, but only for movie titles. It was so friggin funny & we're still talking about it! Jo & myself were teamed against Sleepy Jim & Hubs, whilst Doc Robert was the adjudicator. We were one up & then the men totally screwed us, as Jo had to act out Moulin Rouge. My sludge just refused to kick into gear & despite my somewhat hysterical attempts to get it, we lost the round. So that put the men on an even score with us. One more game & the men howled with laughter.....................no fucking wonderin' when they handed me the film title CALIGULA to act out! How the bloody hell do you act 'Caligula'? Bastards!! I tried, I really tried, but in the end Jo & I lost. The next 24hrs was spent having the men rub it in that they were WINNERS! Needless to say, despite losing, the evening was an absolute blast!

Hartebeesport Dam. I don't think I could've chosen a more peaceful spot for us to unwind & chill



The following day, we took a slow ride out, across the dam & towards what what most 'Vaalies' know as "the 4 way Stop". It's a particular junction, heading off in 4 different directions. I actually can't remember the last time I was in the Hartebeespoort area - I think it was about 10 or 11yrs ago - & bugger, the place had grown! There was a lovely flea market, where we all wandered around & bought last minute things to bring back to the UAE. One of the guys who rides with us here in Abu Dhabi - Sjors - told us about a tattooist at Hartebeespoort, so we thought we'd find him & see if he could rustle up something unique for us. The bugger charged the earth, but hell, it was so worth it! Big Mike, Sleepy Jim, Hubs, Jo & myself all had the 'Africa 08' tattoo done, to commemorate what can only be described as a magic trip. (Mine's the blue one in the photo - got it on me leg)

So, curio & tattoo shopping completed, we were all famished & decided to stop off at a place we'd seen a sign for on the main road back to Khayamanzi. We duly saw the sign for Stef's Table & pulled in................to what looked like a large, residential house. Upon hearing the (delightful) sound of the hawgs, a couple of chaps came out. We thought maybe we'd got the wrong place, but after a quick chat, Stef The Chef told us we'd arrived at the right place & despite being closed, would gladly open up & cook for us. Man oh man - the food! I honestly don't know how to describe it....................awesome..............amazing................incredible.............so much more than delicious! Stef & his partner run a dinky little personal restaurant from their home. All the veggies & herbs are grown in their garden & what they don't know about tickling a persons' tastebuds is bloody dangerous! I can honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that mine & Hubs meals at Stef's Table were the best we've ever had. I reckon the rest of the crew will second that as well! Our final dinner in South Africa was certainly one to remember, for sure.

Sadly, all good things have to come to an end & the following day, we took the bikes back. We made arrangements with Riaan to drop them off at the Roodepoort shop & from there, were ferried to the airport. Big Mike, Doc Robert, Sleepy Jim & Jo left to return to the Sandpit, while Hubs, myself, Max & Tanya flew down to Durban. We stayed in Amamzimtoti for a coupla nights, which was OK I s'pose. Hubs & I picked up a Harley from the Gateway dealer, while Max & Tanya followed in a cage. We did the touristy thing & went up to the absolutely stunning Valley of a Thousand Hills, dropped in at the fabulous Harley dealer there (thank you guys for changing the seat on the bike for me!!) & a display of traditional Zulu dancing.

From 'Toti, we rode through to the horrendous Coffee Bay in the Eastern Cape. The roads were fucking awful, the choice of one solitary-in-much-need-of-attention-crappy hotel was fucking awful & the infamous Hole-in-the Wall was a waste of effort. I felt I'd let us all down by 'choosing' to see that particular part of the area. Bollocks.

I also got chance to spend a few hours with my good friend Drienie. I first met Driens in Malawi & we got to know each other pretty well in almost 2yrs together in our little deserted army camp compound in the middle of Mua. I hadn't seen Drienie & her hubby Duane for almost 4yrs, so we had a great afternoon together, just eating, drinking & gabbing about everything & everyone!

I can't be arsed to find the link, but a few posts ago I asked my readers for help with a specific design I wanted to get for a new tattoo, whilst I was home. Keefie in Spain sent me a new (bigger) pic of the design (mega thanks Keefie!), which I forwarded to my tattooist Davide in Nahoon. After much discussion, I settled for this...............................and I'm well happy with it :-) I know it's not like the original picture I wanted, but I'm satisfied & the font is the same as my Lilly Mai tattoo, which Davide also did :-)

So folks, my journey ended & I came back to the wrath of Hubs' ex-employer. I've since looked back over almost 3,000 photos, taken during our trip & I reckon this last one sums it up perfectly.........................Abu Dhabi Harley Owners Group went Bush & hell man, we had a total BLAST!

Labels: Coffee Bay Hotel is crap, Hartebeespoort, Khayamanzi, porn films and I'm homesick......., Stef's Table

Posted by Jayne :: 13:23 :: 21 Had Somminc To Say

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Thursday, December 11, 2008

H.O.G. GOES BUSH (Part 3)

With one final glance over the amazing scenery of Gods Window, we set off on the road to Pilgrims Rest.

Despite being such a dinky little town, it's actually world famous for sparking off the biggest gold rush of all time. The town was declared a 'living museum' several years ago & it was a 'must' on our tour.

We stayed over at the one & only Royal Hotel, which was great fun. The food served in the restaurant was bloody amazing & if ever any of my readers have the chance to visit the Royal, then treat yourselves to dinner!

All of the rooms have been kept as authentic & original as possible. Unfortunately, the water pressure in our room was pretty weak & it would've taken a month of wet sundays to fill the tub!

We made the mistake of telling Jo that there were apparently several 'spooks' or ghosts. She stayed up much of the night, photographing nothing in the darkness. Doc Robert fell off his log, despite being stone cold sober & Max maintained a firm grip on his missus :-)

The following morning, after a magnificent breakfast, we loaded up the bikes & took off for Nelspruit. There are a couple of things I'll never forget from that leg of the journey...........riding through the clouds after leaving Pilgrims Rest & seeing a toddler - no more than 2yrs old - standing in the middle of a busy main road. How that kid never got run over is a mystery, as it was literally just standing in the middle of the road. We all slowed down & waved frantically at traffic coming in the opposite direction. After a few minutes, Doc Robert managed to attract the attention of a family standing around picking their noses about 400m away. A woman sauntered up to the road, picked up the sprog & sommer moseyed on back to resume the nose picking. No 'thank you', no reprimanding the kid, no concern at all. Next time - guaranteed there'll be a next time thanks to the concern this woman showed - the kid might not be so lucky.

We took a leisurely ride through to Nelspruit & the wonderful La Roca Guesthouse. Hosts Rob & Marlea have created a magic spot of pure tranquility in the heart of Nelspruit. We were made to feel at home from the moment we arrived & I have to say Rob & Marlea went out of their way to make sure we had everything we desired. Our plan of attack was to stay one night at La Roca, the following night in the Kruger National Park & then another night at La Roca, before heading off on the last leg of our trip. If only we could've stayed a week! We were all so impressed we simply didn't want to leave!

One of the 'rooms' at La Roca. Max & Tanya took a whole heap of photos of the interiors of all the rooms, in order to decorate their own place..........when they eventually get it!


Big Mike took Marlea for a quick spin. (The local residents are now requesting she flash a bit of leg more often.......*ahem*) Resident puppy Poppet wanted to join in on the fun, but sadly had to wait for her 'mum' to get back.

Once my booking for accommodation was confirmed with Marlea, I asked if it would be possible for her to organise a birthday cake for Jo, as she (Jo) would be celebrating her birthday during our stay. I told Marlea what I had in mind & as you can see, the result was great. Not only did she organise the cake, but during our stay, she also organised a lekker braai - consisting of several major slabs of cow meat, boerewors, chicken & some chunky lookin' bacon 'rashers'. She left the bar open for us to help ourselves & simply requested that we write down in a book whatever booze we took - which we did. Personally, I reckon there aren't many privately run businesses that are prepared to do that nowadays, so we really appreciated her trust in us.

Before settling in for the night at La Roca, we took a ride out to the Paul Kruger Gate of the Kruger National Park & a whole heap of photos were taken - naturally. Understandably, bikes aren't allowed in the Park. For 8 of the guys in our group, this was a major event, as many of them had only ever read about the KNP & never dreamt they would get to see it for themselves. Wayyyy to go guys!!

Accommodation at Berg-en-daal camp

The following day, after swapping the bikes for cages, we took off for the Park. First up on the 'ooooh's' & 'aaaaah's' were the African Flat Dogs, basking in the warm weather.

Next up, giraffe disguised as thorn trees.

Mama & bubba taking a stroll.

Despite their size, it's not always easy to spot a rhino.

.

During our oh-so-short stay in the park, between us, we got to see 4 of the Big Five - the 5th one being lion, which must've been feeling antisocial. Also spotted were kudu, waterbuck, hippo, bushpig (warthog) gennet, 28 million impala (so much biltong running around!) wildebeest, the occasional vulture & beautiful lilac breasted roller.

Sadly, all good things have to come to an end & with heavy hearts, we left the Kruger National Park. One more great night at La Roca & we were off on the final leg of our journey.

*sigh*

Labels: La Roca Guesthouse, lekker braai and oh to be Bush Happy., Pilgrims Rest, stupid flatnosed mother

Posted by Jayne :: 15:13 :: 11 Had Somminc To Say

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Saturday, December 06, 2008

NOT ALL ONE SIDED - THE UPSET WIFE

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman.
The wife was VERY upset!

"You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me, a faithful wife and the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And he replied:
"Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, "but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And he began:
"Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days! So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made
for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't wear because
you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't wear because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't wear just to annoy her and I also donated those boots you
bought at the expensive boutique and don't wear because someone at work has a pair like them."

He took a quick breath and continued:
"She was so grateful for my understanding and help and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said"

"Please...................do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?''

Posted by Jayne :: 14:53 :: 16 Had Somminc To Say

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Tuesday, December 02, 2008

IN CONCERT

Went to a concert last night, here in Abu Dhabi. Never been to Zayed Sports City before, but knew it was off Airport Road, so we followed the traffic. It led us to the 'old' Carrefour store & then a traffic circle manned by several policemen, who were doing absolutely nothing except look at all the cars, which were heading towards the stadium. We specifically went on the 'Glide, in order to cut through the endless snake of vehicles & managed to get through a gap in the barricades to park about 10m from the stadium - kewl!

It's been a while since Hubs & I have been to a concert & we were really looking forward to this - 2 icons of the music industry - both incredibly talented - performing in the same evening. We found the correct gate & had the routine 'security check' which was downright bloody feeble. Some dummy waving his magic wand couldn't understand why a 6pack of Rennies made his little wand beep all the time.....................because the backing is made of foil you fuckwit! After doing his check on Hubs twice & twice coming up with his potential lethal device (the Rennies) Hubs asked him if he was actually a rocket scientist. *sigh*

Before finding our seats, we decided to get a few drinks - rather have plenty with us than have to come out again half way through the show. There were 2 outlets on our level - one selling food & another one drinks, so we queued for the drinks. Get to the front & ask for 4 Cokes - Dhs40 (major fuckin' rip off!) Some dipshit fresh off the Sharjah Cattle Express just looked at us. 4 Cokes we repeated. A head wobble followed. Louder this time - 4 Cokes PLEASE! Another more intense head wobble. We pointed to bottles of Coke & held up 4 fingers. For crying in a bloody bucket, what the hell did this oke need to get the message?

Another head wobbler stepped in, handed us 4 Cokes & informed us he couldn't accept money we were offering & that we must buy vouchers. Where from we ask? "Over there" it replied, but the wobbling head & arm direction pointed to nowhere in particular. There was NO sign...............NO indication whatsoever that in order to purchase food or drink, you had to buy vouchers. And to think, I gave my crystal ball the day off yesterday. We eventually found the voucher seller (the food outlet - gee thanks for letting everyone know), went back, repeated the same "4 Cokes please" to the same fuckwit at the drinks outlet & fuck me if he didn't wobble his fucking head & look at us like we'd just arrived from Mars! What a way to start the evening!

We found our seats & went into Wait Small Mode. Ant like people were scurrying around at ground level & the stage looked a fair distance away...........blinding. Musicians began to warm up & around 9pm Ms Keys burst onto the stage. She is vocal dynamite really, but to be honest, I only liked about 4 of the songs she performed. The acoustics in the stadium were so bad that it sounded like her band was at least 2 beats behind her voice & that's really off-putting. There were 2 huge screens either side of the stage, which gave us plebs in the seated stands the chance to actually see her perform. She strutted her stuff, belted out numbers & held notes like there would be no tomorrow. Not bad for a young 'un. I would estimate that at least 1,000 people spent the entire 90 minutes of Ms Keys performance, queuing at the hopelessly inadequate bars on the ground level.

After she finished, there was another 'wait small' period, so I nutted off to join the queue for the kidney squeezer. Nick the Greek (Georgie boy) naturally decided to make his grand entrance while I was still 6th in line for the loo - bugger! By the time I got back to my seat, he was well into his 2nd number - double bugger! I battled to actually see him on stage.......................I suspect for reasons of his vanity, the big screens showed computer graphics, instead of him, so all we got to see was a tiny figure doing his 'thing'. Major, major disappointment. The acoustics sounded a fraction better than the previous performance, but I've gotta admit, George missed several notes. He was fine when he was belting out the 'pop' songs, because he had the full line up of 6 backing singers & a cracking band taking his load off him, but when it came to the slow tempo/ballad, he was showing his age. The crowd - including the 1,000 odd that dragged themselves away from the bars - thoroughly enjoyed his performance. My good mate Kaya also went to the concert, but she got tickets (freebies I suspect) in the standing area, just a few metres from the stage. Her legs are younger than mine - no ways would I have stood for at least 4hrs. She really enjoyed the show :-)

After 45 minutes of performing, Nick the Greek finished a number, said "Thank You!" & ducked off the stage. Silence. Lights came up & people started milling around. We waited for a bit. More silence - no announcements as to what was happening. Had the show finished? Was he coming back? Was this a quiz show?.................fucked if I know, cos no one said a thing. A digital clock appeared on the big screen, giving the countdown to midnight, which signalled the start of the 37th National Day of the UAE. I'm not feeling particularly patriotic for this place at the moment, so after a brief discussion with Hubs, we decided to leave.............as did many others. Kaya stayed on & to the best of my knowledge (from reading her blog) Nick the Greek did indeed return to the stage & knock out a few more songs.

We climbed on the 'Glide & came home.

I honestly don't feel like I missed much.

Posted by Jayne :: 19:56 :: 9 Had Somminc To Say

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Monday, December 01, 2008

THE LIGHTER SIDE OF LIFE

Dear Mum & Dad,

Our Scoutmaster told us to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and are worried. We are okay. Only one of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Adam when it happened.

Oh yes, please call Adam's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found Adam in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning.

Scoutmaster Keith got mad at Adam for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Adam said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas will blow up?

The wet wood didn't burn, but one of the tents did and also some of our clothes. Matthew is going to look weird until his hair grows back.

We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Keith gets the bus fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked okay when we left. Scoutmaster Keith said that with a bus that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance.

We think it's a neat bus. He doesn't care if we get it dirty and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the fenders. It gets pretty hot with 45 people in a bus made for 24. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrol man stopped and talked to us.

Scoutmaster Keith is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Jessie how to drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any cops. All we ever see up there are logging trucks.

This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out to the rapids. Scoutmaster Keith wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Adam was afraid he would sink because of his cast, it's concrete because we didn't have any plaster, so he let us take the canoe out.. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood.

Scoutmaster Keith isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the bus so we are trying not to cause him any trouble.

Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Ryan dived into the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works.

Steven and I threw up, but Scoutmaster Keith said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. By the way, what is a pedal-file?

I have to go now. We are going to town to mail our letters & buy some more beer and ammo. Don't worry about anything. We are fine and tonight it's my turn to sleep in the Scoutmaster's tent.

Love as always
your only son
Johnnie

Posted by Jayne :: 13:47 :: 5 Had Somminc To Say

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