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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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NEW LIFE . : Archives : .
January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Sunday, August 31, 2008LOUD & PROUDIt's amazing how getting out of the Sandbox for just 8 days can recharge ones batteries. Spending those way-too-short days with Spadge, Shans & Chikkin has done the job in changing my attitude. (Guaranteed it won't last long!) Hubs & I arrived in Dublin knackered & pissed off, thanks to Turkish Airlines truly pathetic flight delays & atrocious service. We arrived 6hrs late & via Prague, which definitely wasn't on our flight schedule. But then, we were greeted with hugs & kisses from our family & all of our collective frustrations faded into oblivion. Allow me to indulge in a small collection of photos, which hopefully will make you smile as much as they do me :-)  Lilly in her new T-shirt: 'My Grandpa Rides and So Will I'  Mummy Shans How can you resist such a cheeky face? Checking out the 'Glide with Grangrad My baby boy with his baby girl :-)  
 
Wednesday, August 20, 2008TIME TO CHANGE THE LITTER It doesn't happen very often, but perhaps once a year or so, I have this need to get out of the Sandbox for a while. Right now, I'm gatvol of the glaring sun & choking humidity, not to mention the fact that if I don't get my partner-in-life away from work for a while, he'll end up in a crumpled heap in the corner. Stress regarding work is taking its toll on both of us & enough is now more than enough. As of this evening, we will be abiding by the Family Motto, which is Fuck 'em All Except Us. We're off to Co. Wicklow, to see Spadge, Mummy Shans & the oh so special Chikkin. I don't care if the weather is crap. I can't remember the last time I saw decent rainfall, or even took a walk in the rain. We're eagerly looking forward to spoiling our granddaughter, cos that's what Ouma's & Grangrad's do innit? There will be Harleys involved, to avert the withdrawal symptoms & I hope to bring back some photos of some beautiful green scenery. Play nicely while I'm away & I'm sure Hubs will have a pint of Kilkennys for ya! Labels: candy floss, chicken kebabs, leprechauns, Smarties, UltraGlide
Friday, August 15, 2008SUMMER CLASSES FOR MENSummer Classes for Men at THE ADULT LEARNING CENTER REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED by Friday, August 22nd 2008 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM Class 1 . How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays--Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 . The Toilet Paper Roll--Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 for 2 hours. .... Class 3 . Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?--Group Practice. Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours. . Class 4 . Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor--Pictures and Explanatory Graphics. Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks. . Class 5 . Dinner Dishes--Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink? Examples on Video. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM . Class 6 . Loss Of Identity--Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other. Help Line Support and Support Groups. Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM . Class 7 . Learning How To Find Things--Starting With Looking In The Right Places And Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming. Open Forum Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours. . Class 8 . Health Watch--Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health. Graphics and Audio Tapes. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. . Class 9 . Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost--Real Life Testimonials. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM Location to be determined . Class 10 . Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks? Driving Simulations. 4 weeks, Saturday's noon, 2 hours. . Class 11 . Learning to Live--Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife. Online Classes and role-playing Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined . Class 12 . How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques. Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. . Class 13 . How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy--Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries and Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late. Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered. Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours. . Class 14 . The Stove/Oven--What It Is and How It Is Used. Live Demonstration. Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined. . . Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors. . . In response to this post, Grumpy Old Man left a comment that was too good to go unpublished. So, in reply to the 'Classes For Men' here is his equivalent for Wimmin! .. . Evening Classes for WomenNote: Due to the intense nature of the course material, each session has a maximum of eight participants. . . Topic 1: Silence, the Final Frontier: Where No Woman Has Gone Before .. Topic 2: The Undiscovered Side of Banking: Making Deposits . Topic 3: Parties: Going Without New OutfitsTopic . 4: Communication Skills I: Tears - The Last Resort, not the First . Topic 5: Communication Skills II : Thinking Before Speaking . Topic 6: Communication Skills III: Getting What you Want Without Nagging . Topic 7: Telephone Skills - How to hang up in less than 30 minutes . Topic 8: Driving a Car Safely: A Skill You CAN Acquire . Topic 9: Oil and Gas: Your Car Needs Both . Topic 10: Introduction to Parking . Topic 11: Advanced Parking: Backing Into a Space . Topic 12: Compliments: Accepting Them Gracefully . Topic 13: Classic Footwear: Wearing Shoes You Already Own . Topic 14: Household Dust: A Harmless Natural Occurrence Only Women Notice . Topic 15: Integrating Your Laundry: Washing It All Together . Topic 16: Cooking: How not to Inflict Your Diets on Other People . Topic 17: TV Remotes: For Men Only
Tuesday, August 12, 2008THERE'S ALWAYS AN IDIOT Date : 7th August 2008 Place : Emirates Road, enroute to Sharjah. Event : Idiot on a quad bike, doing 120kmph. . No crash helmet (click on the pic - it's a bandana he's sporting) but a National flag on the aerial was taking strain in the slipstream. . . Idiot is way too polite to describe this dummy.
Saturday, August 09, 2008JUST CAN'T DO WITHOUT IT! What, pray tell, was so important that he simply had to make or receive a call on his cell phone, whilst walking with the UAE team during the opening ceremony of the Olympics?The mind boggles.
Tuesday, August 05, 2008PART 2 NUMBERS 6- 10Ahhh, so nice to see that there's a fan (or more) 'out there' who's waiting to see what other things piss on my battery about living in Abu Dhabi. If I'd have written the list out last Thursday night, I think someone would be appealing for bail money to get me out of jail, as YET AGAIN, a car pulled out in front of us on the bike. I was off & threatening the idiot driver before Hubs had chance to put the kickstand down. I'm sick of this bullshit attitude from car drivers & the repeated "I'm sorry, I'm sorry", because they're not fucking sorry at all. The only thing they're sorry about is being caught & embarassed in front of other of their ilk. Come the revolution, bad drivers are first against the wall & I'll be manning the machine gun. . So, without further ado, the rest of my list is as follows. . . 6. Inconsideration. I've lived in some weird & wonderful places in my time, but I have to say that I rank Abu Dhabi as housing the most inconsiderate people, irrespective of nationality. If a doorway or entrance to a shop can be blocked, it will, particularly by abaya-clad bitches who simply HAVE to stand & discuss the latest rip-off Gucci handbag with at least 5 other females. I normally barge right through them, because they're blocking my right of way. Screaming brats run & create extremely noisy havoc in malls, shops or restaurants & parents ignore them - especially FHW's* - whilst innocent shoppers have to have their eardrums assaulted by constant high-pitched squealing. They will block aisles in shops, because they can't walk behind one another - they have to stand abreast, with a trolley which contains a box of hair dye & Oud scented hand wipes . They wouldn't know manners if it jumped up & bit 'em on the arse. For those of us plebs having to live in apartments, the neighbours directly above think nothing of their mutant offspring rollerblading the length of the apartment at 1.00am. The poor little darling probably slept until 2pm, so he/she will get an energy boost around 10-11pm & want to play - noisily of course. Need a door changing at 2.00am? Start drilling for those all important kitchen shelves at 10.00pm - why not? They don't mind the noise, but I fucking well do! Why the hell can't the work be done during normal bloody working hours? If - for a valid reason - anything involving a drill or hammer can't be done during normal hours, why the hell can't they inform the neighbours & offer an apology? Yeah right, I'll get pregnant before that happens. Stand in a queue at the supermarket........................you can have either a few items in a basket or a piled up trolley load of groceries & some fucker ALWAYS tries to push in. Arab females are absolutely notorius for this practice. Go into a bank, an airline office, the post office or any business that has a ticketing system (i.e. wait your turn) & there's always one who walks in, checks out everyone waiting & pushes in before the next customer number lights up. Queue? Wait their turn? You must be bloody joking! . 7. Parking. . This covers a multitude of arrogant scenarios. It is virtually impossible for drivers in Abu Dhabi to park in alloted spaces. When car parks have demarkated vertical lines, some fuckwit simply has to park diagonally. If he/she/it doesn't park diagonally, it'll park across 2 bays, because it's too fucking lazy to reverse out & straighten up. Given the ground of a large parking area in a mall for example, everyone simply HAS to park close to the entrance. If there isn't a slot available, they will crawl around & around, holding up a queue of cars because they won't park if it means they have to walk one step further than necessary. Walk 50m in the blistering sun - oh my lord, they can't do that!! Your God gave you legs, so bloody well use them. Then there are those who just have to reverse park into a spot. They can't see out of their heavily tinted windows, but insist on holding up a line of traffic, because it's so much easier for them not to have to reverse out when it's time to leave. People park in taxi ranks, in bus stops, on pedestrian crossings; they double park & in some instances, triple park. They block entrances to businesses, park in the middle of a junction, block other people in, because they 'quickly have to go to the bank/shop/hairdresser/beauty salon' & get uppity if other drivers blow their horns in objection. If the lazy bastards could park inside the bank/shop/hairdresser, they would - but guaranteed they wouldn't park straight. They have no fucking idea really. . . 8. Customer Service. . There really is a dire need for many, many companies to employ fully trained staff - both male & female - in relation to Customer Service. Anyone having to deal with the females in governmental departments who display a blatant abhorrance to us infidels will know what I'm talking about. They look down their niqab clad noses, audibly sigh & communicate by grunting. Is it really too much to ask that you actually respond when spoken to, or is that an extra not provided for in your contract of employment? If I phone & ask my satellite TV provider to ask why my service has been suspended, when my account is fully paid & I'm informed that they made a mistake, which will take 2-3 days to fix, why is it I'm not credited with the days the service is off? Why is it you are charged for a service (of any kind) that is NOT provided? Fill out a complaint form in any retail outlet & you guessed it, I'll probably get pregnant before the company will respond. They will however use your email address to flog off to some advertising company. Make an appointment with a doctor & waste an hour waiting while 5 other 'urgent' patients who don't have an appointment, 'need' to get in before you. No apology is offered & you're expected to sit like a lemon until the receptionist & doctors nurse assistant condescendingly allow you to in to see the doctor. Walk into a large electronics shop, with the intention of paying a fair wad of dosh on a particular item & then walk out after 10 minutes, because the sales assistants are way too busy on their personal cell phones or are holding hands & giggling, whilst probably comparing who has the longest little fingernail. Dare to complain that a particular item is not what you ordered & you'll automatically be faced with an argument, because no matter how much proof you have, the sales person will insist that it is you who is at fault. . . 9. The Arrogance. . One day, not so far in the future, a solution to the replacement of oil will be found. I sincerely hope that those who are so keen to display this emotion enjoy their arrogance while it lasts, because I forsee a shit load of people choking on their bloody superiority. Nuff sed. . . 10. Over To You. . I've had a good old dummy spitting session, so I've decided to leave Number 10 to my fellow bloggers! Tell me about your pet peeve or whatever pisses on your battery, wherever you live. I'm all eyes :-) . . * FHW's - Fuckin Head Wobblers Labels: blind parking, dummy spitting, Head wobblers
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