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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Friday, May 30, 2008OHHH 'ECK Ohhhh 'eck........................ Hubs very kindly offered to pay for my parents to 'get connected' & they now have the internet, which is wonderful. I get to see & chat to Dubs & Pup just about every day. . . The ohhhh 'eck bit comes in cos my parents are now reading my blog! . Do I tone it down? . Do I stop swearing? . Do I change my attitude? . . . Do I bollocks! . . My mum & dad love me for who I am. . 'Nuff said.  
Thursday, May 29, 2008LUXOR LITEWe thought we got a pretty good deal, both on the flights & 5 Star hotel in Luxor. What airlines don't tell you is that while their flights to interesting destinations may indeed be cheap, one does pay a higher price by means of having a 4yr old child seated in the row behind you. Sit sed 4yr old on a sofa or at a chair at the dining room table & the little angel's feet don't touch the floor. Stick it in an aircraft seat & the little fuckers feet reach the back of the seat in front of them, so they proceed to kick it. Upon discovering that their legs are indeed longer than they ever imagined, the little gits then take great delight out of kicking a steady rhythm, which under normal circumstances, would give even the best gymnast cramp in their calves. We were lucky. This particular brat obviously wanted to live longer than the 2hr flight & after a couple of polite requests, the kicking ceased. Upon exiting the main terminal at Luxor airport, we were surrounded by what looked like an angry mob of goat herdmen, shouting at us to take up their "special" taxi fares. The mob lasted all of about 45 seconds before a swarm of white uniformed police officers made them beat a hasty retreat into the carpark. There was much arm-waving, gesticulating & no doubt swearing. We stood for a few minutes, enjoying a smoke & just taking in the atmosphere. As we approached the carpark, we were once again pounced on by several sweaty men, offering good prices for their taxi service. After a short haggling session, we agreed on a price & were escorted to what can only be described as a pre-war (no guessing as to which war though) clapped-out-hand-painted looking Peugeot stationwagon. The rear windows were opened by means of brute force, courtesy of a fellow driver, who pushed the window down far enough to wedge his body in through the opening & then using his body weight to get it down just that little bit further. The interior of the doors were literally held together with tape & the door locking device looked suspiciously like an allen key. The flooring in the rear passenger part was made up of an assortment of bits of shagpile carpet - circa 1972 - plus a strip of lino flooring from around the same period. I suppose we should be grateful no one had to physically push the vehicle to get it started. The driver was friendly & naturally wanted our life history, all whilst driving on the wrong side of the road, honking at anything resembling man or beast within 200m & occasionally remembering to keep his hands on the steering wheel. It was an interesting 15 minute trip to the hotel.  I won't be in a hurry to complain about the state of taxis in Abu Dhabi! We checked our hotel without hassle.......until we found we'd been booked into a non-smoking suite. We specifically requested a smoking suite, which was evident on the booking confirmation that we handed in at reservations. Apologies were given & another suite was arranged, but despite many attempts, the door wouldn't open. By the time we got back down to the nice lady at reservations, we were both pissed off. We didn't complain, however we did tell this nice lady that this holiday was a much needed emotional break.We were upgraded to a superior suite, compliments of the hotel. Readers of my drivel know that wherever we go, The Kids go too. We have an addition to our Kid family, who is simply known as Grandma's Puppy. When Grandma died, we placed her stuffed puppy with the rest of our 'kids' & this was his first trip abroad. So naturally, first thing out of the suitcase is the Kids. They were well happy & spent their days out on the balcony or watching TV.  Our days were spent on personalised tours, seeing the amazing sights of Luxor. (I'll put up a heap of photos in the next post) We saw things that we'd only seen on National Geographic programmes & in a nutshell, the historical side of the East & West banks of the Nile are absolutely awesome.
Sadly, Luxor seems to be attracting plane loads of 'tourists' who wouldn't know a pharoah from a ferret. I suppose it had to happen - cheap flights, hotel deals & 'British Pubs' offering the 'footie' on widescreen TV's are popping up like toxic mushrooms. Why travel all the way to Egypt to buy 'Delboy' jewellery, when you can get it "dahhn the markit"? Talk about a clash of cultures.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008OUT OF HERE Hubs & myself will be out of here at the sparrows fart tomorrow morning, for a much needed & well deserved break. We're slumming it in 5 star style at a rather posh hotel in Luxor, where we will partake in hot rock massages, half day tours, good food & anticipated absolute relaxation. It's only a short break - 4 nights/5days, but it's a whole heap better than no break at all. *sigh*. I'm hoping someone will still get the answer to the 'Where's it?' post...................and seeing as I'm not totally sadistic, I'll give you a hint & tell you that it's on the African continent! The critter by the way, is commonly known as a Cane Cutter - fekkin monstrous rodents that are quite popular in the same country as where the palm tree photo is taken. The rest, as they say, is up to you.............................!! Right, I'm off to pack the suitcase. Click..................................
Gone!
Saturday, May 17, 2008WOTSIT & WHERE'S IT?Right then folks, seeing as the last picture 'competition' was such a success, I thought I'd try another one! What is the 'common' name for the critter this chap is displaying? In the first photo, he's showing off a freshly slaughtered specimen.  and in the photo below, he's displaying his culinary skills with 2 'flatties' - that being the critter is gutted, the fur singed & the meat cremated by means of a braai/BBQ, altho' not always in that particular order. (All together now eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwww!)
Next up is a photo of a totally unspoilt stretch of beach. I've been there, done it but not got the fridge magnet, cos there aren't many fridges in these parts, if you get my drift.......... What I want to know is: Which country is it in & what is the nearest town?
Hubs & myself are out of here in a few days time, for a much needed break, so you've got a few days to come up with the answers. Have fun!
Tuesday, May 13, 2008A DOCTOR, A LAWYER & A BIKER......... Three men, a doctor, a lawyer, & a biker, were sitting in a bar talking over a few drinks. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I bought my wife a diamond ring & a new Mercedes. I figure if she doesn't like the diamond ring, then at least she will like the Mercedes, & she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer said, "Well, on my last anniversary, I bought my wife a string of pearls & a trip to the Bahamas. I figured if she didn't like the pearls, then at least she would have enjoyed the trip, & she would have known that I loved her. "The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, & said, "Yeah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a t-shirt & a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the t-shirt, then she could go fuck herself."
Saturday, May 10, 2008ATTITUDE Anyone dealing with the many UAE government departments involving residence or visit visa permits will probably relate to this post. Hubs & myself went through to DoBuy a coupla days ago, to cancel grandmas residence visa & get a refund on the Dh5,000 'deposit' we had to pay. Firstly, one has to pay to have a miserable ratbag type out a cancellation form in Arabic. On previous occasions the 'translation typist' has been one of many harrassed Asian male typists. This time we got Bitch No.1. Her attitude was pure arrogance, but despite that, she must've been good at her job, as she could knock out the correct Arabic form from her computer, talk with someone who butted in & discuss with her neighbouring fellow typist how cute the childrens clothes were that he was displaying. She stopped short of spitting the necessary document at us. Next up was trying to get someone to direct us to the correct counter for visa cancellations. "Section 1, counter 17" declared one official uniform clad person. We went to Section 1, counter 17. Bitch 2 at sed counter (which was empty) was deep in conversation with a man, sitting just behind her. She totally ignored us. I waited patiently for a break in her conversation, secretly wishing she'd have to take a breath before turning blue. At a hint of the first intake of air, I said "Excuse me, is this the correct counter for visa cancellation?" The face on Bitch 2 looked at me like I was a real peasant. The black clad arm protruding from her abaya made a 'go away' gesture & she pointed to the opposite side of the hall. It managed to say "over there" & promptly carried on with her conversation which I so rudely interupted. Over there? Over where? Follow the direction of your manicured talon to where exactly? We asked at another counter, in the general direction of Bitch 2's talon. Bitch 3, a Tellytubby-esque thing with lips that didn't move said "Go to the Ladies Section". "For visa cancellation?" I asked. "Yes" Bitch 3 hissed. I stuck my head in the Ladies Section & was greeted by a sea of black shapes & 2 dozen sets of eyes that gave me the collective 'fuck off we're full' glare. Without additional misdirections Hubs & I found the visa cancellation desk by ourselves. It was manned by what looked like a 'roid soaked brute of a man, in greyish camoflage uniform. We explained that we needed to cancel grandmas visa. He looked at the death certificate & said "I'm sorry for that" (meaning he sympathised with us). That small gesture of a few words took away the frustration of the unhelpful attitude of Bitches 1, 2 & 3. This officer processed the cancellation in a matter of 2 minutes & advised us where to go to collect the refund of Dh5,000. He was a pleasure to deal with.
There's been a couple of heated 'discussions' in the comments section of a couple of posts over at UAE Community Blog just recently, between locals & expats. Whilst I've avoided sticking my oar in with a few choice comments, I'd just like to mention that the term 'respect' works wonders between nationalities. If you look down at me in a manner of disdain, because I have the audacity to ask for assistance, then just what exactly are you expecting in return? Bitches 1, 2 & 3 need some serious tutoring in dealing with the public, as befits their job. To smile costs absolutely nothing. Even the veggies at the rehab centre manage that & they only have a fraction of a brain.
Friday, May 09, 2008AND THE WINNER IS..............I promised a 'virtual' prize to the winner of the previous post & here it is - a lovely cup of capuccino, albeit in picture form only! (I know, it's a bit of a let down, but hey, this is the internet right?!) Well done Ms Ex Africa, Who Broke Her Mop for correctly guessing the photos. They were indeed taken at the Zomba Hotel, on the Zomba Plateau, which is in Malawi.*  Enjoy! *Malawi is another wonderfully scenic part of Africa. It's just a pity that it's been put on the map by iconic pop stars who think it's mega kewl to adopt an orphan. You can take an African out of the bush, but you'll never take the bush out of an African. 
Wednesday, May 07, 2008WHERE IN THE WORLD?Right then folks, there'll be a 'virtual' prize on offer for the first person who can identify where these photos were taken!   As a hint - to get your geographical juices going - the area in which they were taken belongs with the letter Z. Happy guessing :-)
Sunday, May 04, 2008A JOKE ABOUT EARSTHIS JOKE IS SEXUAL IN NATURE (but) THERE ARE NO GRAPHICS (despite the temptation!) A sexually active woman tells her plastic surgeon that she wanted her vaginal lips reduced in size because they were too loose and floppy. Out of embarrassment she insisted that the surgery be kept a secret and the surgeon agreed. Awakening from the anaesthesia after the surgery she found 3 roses carefully placed beside her on the bed. Outraged, she immediately called in the doctor. "I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!" The surgeon told her he had carried out her wish for confidentiality and that the first rose was from him: "I felt sad because you went through this all by yourself." "The second rose is from my nurse. She assisted me in the surgery and empathized because she had the same procedure done some time ago." "And what about the third rose?" she asked. "That's from a man upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears."
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