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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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Sunday, April 27, 2008THE STREETS OF ABU DHABI 2Next up in my ongoing series of photos of the throbbing metropolis (not) of Abu Dhabi, is one of opposites. . First, this was on display at one of the (oh-whoopee-we-have-yet-another) shopping malls. It's what some men might call a thing of beauty, a piece of working art, a mechanical masterpiece - (*at this point my index finger is pointed to the depths of my throat*) - whereas I personally see it as an extremely expensive & noisy toy for the elite. Nice colour though innit? .  And then there's the other side. This series of photos were taken at 3.00pm, 4.00pm & finally, a few minutes before 5.00pm. 3.00pm sees a few customers milling by the doors of the bank, no doubt perusing the days' exchange rate, which is posted on the front door.  4.00pm sees a definite queue forming. They have another hour to wait, before the bank opens. Just a few minutes before 5.00pm & the queue is a fair length. Some of these guys have been waiting for at least 2 hours.  What saddens me is that I took these photos on a Friday. It's the only day of the week when a queue forms at this bank. Ironically, it's the only day of the week that (most probably) these customers can get to do their banking. There's a fair chunk of the working population of Abu Dhabi that only have a one day 'weekend'* & in my opinion, to have to spend a few hours, waiting in the heat of the day for the bank to open, sucks big time. . . * Hubs is one of 'em  
Monday, April 21, 2008A FISHY TALE One morning the husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, the wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, anchors, and reads her book. Along comes a Game Warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, Ma'am. What are you doing?" "Reading a book," she replies, (thinking, "Isn't that obvious?") "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "For reading a book," she replies, "You're in a Restricted Fishing Area," he informs her again, "I'm sorry, officer, but I'm not fishing. I'm reading" "Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up." "If you do that, I'll have to charge you with Sexual assault," says the woman. "But I haven't even touched you," says the game warden. "That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment." "Have a nice day ma'am," he said and left. MORAL: Never argue with a woman who reads. It's likely she can also think.
Saturday, April 19, 2008DYING IN THE UAE As many readers of my drivel know, I recently had a death in my family.......a death that has left an enormous void in my life. My motherbylaw - a.k.a. Grandma or the LGHOL died recently. I was so wrapped up in caring for her that I didn't really pay any attention to the fact that she was terminally ill. I think I assumed that she would remain terminally ill for much longer than she actually was. My fatherbylaw died at home almost 18yrs ago, ironically from the same hateful disease of cancer. At the time & from his initial diagnosis, the doctor gave us an estimated time scale of what would happen. As his condition worsened, we understood that as heartbreaking as it was, arrangements would have to be made for his funeral. Death is big business in South Africa. Funeral services compete with each other & an average funeral can set you back a considerable chunk of dosh, which isn't always available when it comes time to exit this planet. Hence funeral saving schemes are very, very popular at home. Grandad (my fatherbylaw) never had one, so grandma took it upon herself to start getting quotes in. She actually got quite good at haggling over prices & even asked one popular funeral director if there'd be any extra charge if she wanted to put grandads dog in the coffin with him. (The dog had issues, trust me!) Eventually, a funeral director from a neighbouring town was 'assigned' & when grandad died, all necessary arrangements were in place. It might appear cold & calculating, but it definitely was the right thing to do. Fast forward nearly 18yrs & I'm in a way different country, with a very special person who is dying & I haven't got the first clue about what to do regarding funeral services. Grandma wasn't a great 'believer' in any religion, although she was a Christian. I was getting quite concerned about what to do when she was ready to give up her fight. One morning, I ran a search on Google for 'funeral services UAE'. The initial results weren't much help, but then I came across a reference for an article published in a local business journal, about a new funeral service that started in 2007, specifically for expats. I clicked on the link, read the article & then clicked on the webpage link to the site of this service. I phoned Middle East Funeral Services & spoke to Vivian Albertyn, who is a co-owner & the founder. I explained our situation & he assured me that I could phone him at anytime, day or night. Should we wish to use his service, he would take care of everything. I looked through the website, told Hubs about it & we agreed Vivian was the right man to help us. The following paragraph is on the webpage : - "The company is completely A-religious and we use local PRO's to fast-track documentation and educated staff to assist in the logistics of these delicate procedures; making this difficult time for the relatives just a little easier." You have no idea just how big an understatement that is honestly! From the moment I notified Vivian that grandma had died, he put the 'wheels in motion' & started making all the arrangements. He organised all the necessary paperwork, including the death certificate & cancellation of passport, a special permit to transport grandma from one emirate to another, the whole process of cremation - including a very nice reverend for a small service - everything in fact, right up to personally bringing the ashes back to us. I understand that like any other commerce, funeral services are a business. But having said that, personal touches will always take precedence over the cost. Vivian gave myself & Lilly - my granddaughter - a beautifully scented rose each & then gave my grieving husband one to place on his mother. He acted in a professional yet compassionate manner, from beginning to end. I cannot thank Vivian & Middle East Funeral Services enough.
Thursday, April 17, 2008UNITED APATHETIC EMIRATESI'm angry. I get so angry at times, that I'm sorely tempted to take the law into my own hands. Sadly, the only thing I would achieve - apart from a minute or two of absolute satisfaction - would be to get deported. Why am I angry you ask? Well, on March 1st, a whole new heap of traffic laws were put into action, with the all new 'black points' (penalty points) system against a drivers license. Newspapers bleated on about how this system was badly needed, that the standard of driving in the UAE was so poor, blah, blah soddin' blah. Even though the new laws have only been in effect for 6wks, it really is blatantly obvious that in general, very few drivers give a toss. Every day I see drivers cutting up the inside lane approaching traffic lights, so that they block a filter lane (tough tits for drivers wanting to take the filter) simply because they're too impatient to wait in a line of traffic, like 'normal' people. In a right hand lane & want to turn left? No problem, just block 3 lanes of traffic, because you're too fucking lazy to travel another 500m to the next intersection where you can do a legit U-turn. The amount of times I've been on the bike & a cager (fuckwit behind the wheel of a car) has tried to take us out could fill pages. On a recent trip to the hospital, one idiot nearly wiped us out, because he cut across 2 lanes of traffic & did his very best to knock us off the 'Glide. We chased him, blocked his every move & finally managed to confront him. He gave us the oh-so-popular hand signal of 'patience'. He tried to kill 2 people & I must be patient?? I think not. When asked why he tried to knock us off, he said "I did not see you". I was so bloody angry that Hubs didn't have chance to get a word in. "You didn't see us? Despite trying to force us into a concrete wall with your car & us blowing the horn, you didn't see us? YOU looked at us directly, your passenger looked at us...........looked me in the eyes you were so close, but YOU didn't see us? You're a fucking liar. Watch my lips mate: YOU ARE A FUCKING LIAR! You tried to force us off the road & you cannot deny it!" What did we get? "Oh............sorry. I'm sorry OK" Like fuck was he sorry. The only thing he was sorry about was being embarrassed in front of other drivers & his family in the car. A few days ago, I photographed this vehicle.  A) It's parked on a pedestrian crossing. B) It's blocking wheelchair access on sed crossing, which also doubles as an on/off ramp to a workshop. C) The vehicle has more than the newly punishable-by-law (i.e. penalty points) 30% tint on the windows. Someone caught the attention of a passing police vehicle & pointed out the vehicle was blocking the ramp & was also (like you couldn't miss it) parked on a pedestrian crossing. The cop said "Mafi mushkela" (no problem).
If the cops can't be arsed to deal with anything other than an accident, then what the fuck is the point of bringing in new laws? With literally tens of thousands of new cars being registered each year, why hasn't the government created a special Traffic Police force, to operate totally independant from the 'normal' police force? Every day we see horrific accident reports, due mainly to drivers gabbing on bloody cell phones, speeding like there's no tomorrow & basically ignoring every traffic rule there is, because they can. Welcome to the United Apathetic Emirates. Please make sure your life insurance is up to date.
Monday, April 14, 2008ANOTHER GOODBYEIt's almost 3am. We've just come back from taking Spadge & Chikkin to the airport & as I type, they should be taking off for Dublin. My eyes are heavy from mental & physical exhaustion. This past week has been so draining, but I know it would have been ten times worse if we didn't have Spadge & Chikkin here with us.  This precious baby girl has brought us so many smiles, a whole heap of love & the softest, sloppiest of kisses. She's spent a whole week without her mummy bless her, but she'll soon be telling her all about grandgrads motorbike & the fishes :-) We can't thank Shanna enough for parting with her baby for a whole week & we're both extremely sorry that the urgency of the situation made it practically impossible for her to be here with us. The tornado sleeps!
Our son & granddaughter left Abu Dhabi today, but their goodbyes are only temporary. Grandma was cremated today. It was our final goodbye. Life carries on & we all have a personal library of memories from such a special lady. I don't know if you'll get to read this son, but I just want to tell you again, how very proud we are of you. Thank you for being here, for bringing Lilly & for sharing your heart today, even though it must have been breaking with the love you had for you grandma. We will mourn her my babe, but like you, we will celebrate her life, as she really was worth celebrating.
Thursday, April 10, 2008GRANDMA GrandmaOur emotions are still raw.............our home seems empty without her, but we are all grateful that she no longer has any pain. To quote Lilly Mai, our granddaughter: "Big Grandma gone to sleep now. Turn off the light." * * AMY OLIVE WINSTANLEY * 10/01/1929 - 08/04/2008 * N'night Flowerpot, sleep tight.
Sunday, April 06, 2008ON HOLDBOTH THIS BLOG & THE HOGBLOG ARE ON HOLD UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE. MIKE & I THANK EVERYONE FOR THEIR KIND WISHES ABOUT GRANDMA.
Thursday, April 03, 2008THE TASERLast weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!" What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.......... I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "don't do it dipshit," reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!. WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the foetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative? SON-OF-A-BITCH, THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone.; I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe was came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!! P. S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! At a time when I desperately needed something to smile about, I had this sent to me by e-mail. Thank you Jo & thank you Shahpaar, just for being who you are - very special :-)
Tuesday, April 01, 2008SO SUE METhe opening shots in a £34,000 employment battle between a pink-haired salon owner and a headscarf-wearing Muslim stylist were fired yesterday with an accusation of "blatant" religious discrimination. Bushra Noah, 19, is claiming that amount in compensation after being turned down for a job at the Wedge salon, which specialises in "urban, edgy and funky" cuts. Owner Sarah Desrosiers, 32, says it is an "absolutely basic" job requirement that stylists should have their hair on show if they are to cut other people's. She says she faces financial ruin if she loses the case.  But Miss Noah argued: "I know my punk from my funk and my urban from my trendy. "The fact that I wear a headscarf does not mean that I cannot assist in an alternative form of hairdressing. It is essential to my religion and is non-negotiable. I have been wearing it from the age of 13 and I had never suffered from such blatant discrimination until I visited Miss Desrosiers." Miss Noah, who is British-born and lives in Acton, West London, admitted she had been turned down by other salons since the interview in March last year, but denied she had been rejected for up to 25 jobs. She told a tribunal in central London how her interview at Wedge, at King's Cross, left her devastated. She said: "Miss Desrosiers looked at me in shock. She asked me if I wore my headscarf all the time and I explained that I did. She asked me if I ever took it off and I said that I only took it off at home. "She said as this is a hair salon it was essential that I did not wear a headscarf. Miss Desrosiers then said how uncomfortable she felt with me being around. I wasn't sure how to respond. I was extremely offended. "It was hard to hold myself together and I was gripping the chair as I spoke. "Miss Desrosiers told me I should have told her over the phone that I wore a headscarf." Miss Noah, who has an NVQ in hairdressing and once won a L'Oreal competition, said she wore her headscarf while cutting hair in another salon for two years until leaving in June 2006 to get married in Syria. She said: "I understand that Miss Desrosiers has more than one tattoo on her body but that should not mean that anyone who works for her has to be a similar way and type." Miss Noah originally claimed over £15,000 in compensation for injury to her feelings and lost earnings. But she more than doubled her claim after coverage of the case, saying she had received hate mail. Speaking ahead of the hearing, Miss Desrosiers, from Hackney, East London, said she was "staggered" by the scale of the claim. "This court case has turned my life upside down and it is all over a quick, five-minute interview," she said. "This girl is suing me for more than I earn in a year. I am a small business and have only had my salon a year and a half. I am prepared to stand up in court but if I lose this lawsuit, my whole business will fold. "To me, it's absolutely basic that people should be able to see the stylist's hair. It has nothing to do with religion. "I now feel like I have been branded a racist. I have never discriminated against Muslims. My name is being dragged through the mud." The hearing is due to last three days. Full story HERE . . . OK, I'm curious to know what readers of my blog think about this. In my opinion, I think it's wrong that the hairdresser has ended up in court.
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