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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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NEW LIFE . : Archives : .
January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Saturday, March 29, 20088 OF EISH!In April last year, Hubs finally brought Eish! home. She'd been sitting in the Harley shop for weeks, with a sign saying 'Sorry I'm Sold!' on her. Despite having the money to pay for her, she could not come home, because one very obstinate 'I'm here to make your life a misery' licensing officer in Dubai, refused to issue an Emirates bike licence, against Hubs S'african licence. He'd already issued a driving licence for the car, but no, having done that, he switched to FYM* & refused the bike licence. To cut a long story short, Hubs got his licence - fully legit & legal - but it took 3 very long months. . So he brought Eish! home. Awwwwwwwww.  He was so happy with her. She was his dream come true. But.......he wanted to 'tweak' her a bit & customise her to his taste.
So then, one day, Hubs was checking a few websites out & came across Christine LePera . He fell in love.................not with her, but the product she makes & sells. After many, many hours of choosing between one design & another, Hubs finally made a decision & placed his order.  He tracked his order, all the way from the States - every step of the way. It arrived in Dubai on Thursday morning. By 4pm the same day, it was in Abu Dhabi. He was so excited! By midnight, he was informed that UPS had attempted to deliver the order, but there was no one to either accept it or pay the Dh257.00 Duty. THEY FUCKING LIED & that's putting it mildly! It was late on a Thursday afternoon & some little fucker at the UPS dispatch office obviously thought he would nut off for an early weekend. Which he did.Bright & early this morning, UPS finally delivered Hubs' order from Ms LePera & it looks like this:
I did as requested. He told me how much the quote was. His bruises will heal in time. Eish! looks blinding as she is though. She's now a single seater, which is fine, cos I've got Tallulah (the 'Glide) for the 'together' rides. So wotcha reckon to her hey? *FYM = Fuck You Mode  
Thursday, March 27, 2008WHO SAID THAT?The following joke is NOT politically correct. . . It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History. Who said "Give me Liberty , or give me Death"? She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775" he said. "Very good!" replied the teacher. . "Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?" asked the teacher. Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" he said. . The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do." She heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Indians," "Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up. "General Custer, 1862." . At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke." The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?" Again, Chandrasekhar says, "Al Gore to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991." . Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!" Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher , "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!" . Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you!" Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, " Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him- 2004." . The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked!" . . . . . . . . And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007."
Tuesday, March 25, 2008THE STREETS OF ABU DHABIThese are the first photos of what will hopefully become a series of various images, which reflect every day life in Abu Dhabi.............................just things I happen to capture when I go walkabout. . . Why the hangar was placed there is a mystery! .  .  The shot above is of a disgusting puddle of lung butter......freshly hocked/hacked up no doubt.
Saturday, March 22, 2008CHOICE IS IT BETTER TO HAVE, TO BE PART OF, OR POSSIBLY DISTANCE YOURSELF FROM FAMILY, WHICH IN YOUR OPINION, IS DYSFUNCTIONAL OR IS IT BETTER TO PRETEND THEY DON'T EXIST?
Tuesday, March 18, 2008MAD MAD WORLDA cartoon showing squirrels hanging themselves and throwing themselves in front of cars has angered Romanian broadcasting authorities because they have no power to ban it. The country's regulatory body said it would make an official protest to the European Commission about the one-minute cartoon shown every afternoon on the British-licensed channel AXN. The cartoon, called Suicidal Squirrels, does not come under their remit because the station is based in another country. . Who the fuck came up with the idea that suicidal squirrels would be funny for kids?? HUMANS will soon be having sex with robots, a top scientist claims. Half the population will copulate with sex machines, and many will even MARRY them if it’s legal, says artificial intelligence expert David Levy. Within 40 years the hot bots’ bodies, faces and voices will be so lifelike people will barely tell the difference, he reckons. And they could provide pleasure for millions of people too shy or too ugly to find love. Mr Levy, 62, said: “It will be very good for society – great sex on tap 24/7. I’d certainly want to experience sex with such a robot – and I’m happily married!” The idea struck him as he designed voices for computer games. Japanese boffins already make robots that care for the elderly, and sex-bots are the next logical step, he says. Latest porn films could include C-3P Oh! Oh! Oh! and Sperminator. . Hmmmm...........so this bloke could shag a robot, then shag his wife & barely be able to tell the difference. Right! I wonder what his "happily married" wife thinks of that? A judge jailed everyone in an entire courtroom after no one admitted to being the owner of a ringing mobile. Judge Robert Restaino was hearing domestic violence cases when a phone rang. “Everyone is going to jail,” the judge said. “Every single person is gong to jail in this courtroom unless I get that instrument now. If anybody believes I’m kidding, ask some of the folks that have been here for a while. You are all going.” When no one came forward, the judge ordered the group into custody and they were taken by police to the city jail, where they were searched and packed into crowded cells. Fourteen people who could not post bail were shackled and bused to the Niagara County Jail, a 30-minute drive away. He released them later in the afternoon, after being told reporters were interested in the story. He has now been removed from the bench. . This judge deserves a medal rather than being removed from the bench! In 2004, Timothy Dumouchel, from Fond du Lac, Wisconsin sued a television company for making his wife fat and transforming his children into “lazy channel surfers”. He said: “I believe the reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is overweight is because we watched the TV everyday for the last four years”. The case kept at least two of America’s then 1,058,662 lawyers occupied for a while, but did not go to the Supreme Court. Like everyone in the family was FORCED to watch TV?? Dipshit. In 2005, the Massachusetts Appeals Court was asked to rule on when a sexual technique was dangerous. Early one morning, a man and woman in a long-term relationship were engaged in consensual intercourse. During the passionate event, and, without the man’s consent, the woman suddenly manoeuvred herself in a way that caused him to suffer a penile fracture. Emergency surgery was required. The court ruled that while “reckless” sexual conduct may be actionable, “merely negligent” conduct was not. It dismissed the man’s case. Hmmmm.........there's a lot to be said for the 'missionary'position............*coff* Sentencing a young woman at the Magistrates’ Court in Port Adelaide, Australia, in 2003, a magistrate said: “You’re a druggie and you’ll die in the gutter. That’s your choice... I don’t believe in that social worker crap. You abuse your mother and cause her pain. You can choose to be who you are. You can go to work. Seven million of us do it whilst fourteen million like you sit at home watching Days of Our Lives smoking your crack pipes and using needles and I’m sick of you sucking us dry”. He then concluded: “It’s your choice to be a junkie and die in the gutter. No one gives a shit, but you’re going to kill that woman who is your mother, damn you to death.” He gave the woman a prison sentence, unaware that that was unlawful in the type of case in question. Her appeal was successful. I bet the magistrate felt a whole heap better for having spat his dummy!
Friday, March 14, 2008A CRIMINAL IN OUR MIDST *ahem*Once upon a time, in the land of those claiming to be historically disadvantaged, there was a Little Grey Haired Old Lady. She'd led a quiet life since being forced to retire, thanks to a mongrel stabbing her in the hand whilst trying to snatch her handbag.* Her husband had recently died & so it came to be that she moved into a large rambling house, with her son & his wife. *Her days were spent gardening & she taught her daughterbylaw all the things that her late husband had indeed taught her. She would potter about, splitting bulbs, planting, weeding & the like. On walks around the neighbourhood, she would spot particular plants & discreetly (or sometimes blatantly) steal a cutting. If she went walkabout with her secateurs, one knew she meant business. *Being an important part of The Family, this LGHOL became well known to her son & daughterbylaw's circle of friends. Over the years, she became like a national treasure. She would share a dop**, listen in on the skinner***, give advice or words of wisdom & always make herself availble for whatever was asked. She rarely interfered, but wasn't shy on telling her daughterbylaw that she had a 'feeling' about a particular person as being 'suspect'. * "There's summat about that bugger I don't like" she'd say & funnily enough, she was always right. * A supposed friend of the family became embroiled in a bitter marital break up. It was not a nice situation, as The Family were friends with both the husband & wife. What made it even more unpleasant was the couple had recently adopted a little boy from a local orphanage. The child went from an orphange, to a stable home, to a divided & bitter set of new parents. Both his new parents loved him, there was no doubt about it, but both took to using him as a pawn in a tug-of-love/war game. A place of refuge - in the form of a granny flat on the same grounds as The Family - was offered to the wife & child, after accusations of assault were made. . A few months passed & the marriage between the fighting parents became even more bitter & twisted. Social Services were called in after accusations of neglect were placed & even an attempt to have the adoption 'annulled' was instigated by the husband. After investigating, the wife was declared to be a fit mother. The husband was not impressed. The wife was under constant emotional strain & it was difficult to maintain a happy front for the little boy. After discussing all of her options, the wife made a decision; she would take the child to the country she called home, the country of her birth. She had a large family of siblings, who had all offered her support in any way they could. Being a somewhat impetuous woman (as folk were to find out later) the wife went about making arrangements to leave the country. She wanted to run away from the mess, with her little boy. . An emergency passport for the little boy was obtained. There were suspicions that this was done by fraudulent means, as the father never signed any passport application forms. . The passport was issued. . Within hours, flights to leave the country had been arranged. . Somehow, the husband caught whiff of her plan. . .. The wife became slightly hysterical & was aware that if she attempted to take the little boy out of the country, the husband would try & stop her. She asked the LGHOL's daughterbylaw if she would help - could she take the child to the airport & accompany him on the plane to his new destination? Unfortunately, at that particular time, the daughterbylaw was wheelchair bound, which made it practically impossible. . Plan B was then put forward. . A few hours later, one little boy & his 'grandma' were on their way. The little boy was as good as gold on the plane. Shortly after taking off, the husband arrived at the airport, accompanied by the police, in order to prevent the little boy from leaving the country. Upon arrival at their destination, the immigration officer asked a kindly looking Little Grey Haired Old Lady how come the little boy had a different surname to her? . "He's my grandson" she (rep)lied. . "Are we nearly there yet grandma?" chirped the little boy by her side. . The immigration officer stamped the passports of the little boy & his 'grandma' & waved them through. . The wife/mother of the little boy arrived less than 24hrs later. . . . . The little boy is now well into his teens. . The less said about his mother, the better. . Both parents divorced. . The LGHOL put it all down to experience, but never spoke to the mother again. It was pointed out to her & the others who were involved at the time, that should the father of the child ever be made aware of who removed the little boy from the country, charges of kidnapping would be laid. To this day, the father does not know who the 'prime suspect' was. . This is a true story. . . . * Despite being stabbed in the hand, she refused to give up her handbag. It happened in broad daylight & not one person went to assist her. ** Dop = drink - normally in the case of the LGHOL a brandy or white wine *** Skinner - gossip.
Monday, March 10, 2008LIWA Hubs & myself had a smashing time in Liwa. The weather was ideal for riding, the company was great & I reckon a good time was had by all. My only complaint is that I wish we could have stayed longer. *sigh* If you want to check out a heap of photos, just nut over to the The HOG Blog.
Upon our arrival back from Liwa, we found Grandma fast asleep on her perch.......awwww bless. I stood for a few moments to make sure she was breathing & then quietly made my way to the kitchen. About 15 minutes later, our LGHOL came sauntering out, slightly bleary eyed, but happy to see us. The conversation went as follows: "Ey up Flower, y'alright?" "Yes thanks........I didn't hear you come in.........I must've been flat out." "You must've needed it Flower" I said. "Bloody book, I can't put the bugger down really!" (she's an avid reader) "So, did you get up to any mischief while we were away? Have any boyfriends over hmmm?" "Yeah..........the one snuck over on Friday just after you left & the other one had to leave early today cos his wife phoned..........................." Classic Grandma! The light might only be on dim, but she's as sharp as a knife sometimes :-) * * P.S.Yay - what a pleasure to see the little chutney ferret voted off of American Idol!!
Thursday, March 06, 2008THIS, THIS, THESE & THEMTomorrow morning, at the sparrows fart, Hubs & myself will be climbing aboard this: (my pride & joy, Tallulah-Blue)  We will be riding, with a heap of others & will definitely drive by the likes of this and more than likely, a good few of these fine specimens.
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And now for something completely different.........................Spadge sent me photos earlier today & I was amazed at how Chikkin is changing! She's now 2yrs & 4mths - wow, time flies!
How can you resist such a beautiful little girl hey?
I am one very proud Ouma & Hubs is a very proud Grangrad (his name as per Chikkin)
Sunday, March 02, 2008ONE AT A TIME I've been watching American Idol for a few weeks now. I tune in to check out if there are any decent singers & also to listen to Simon Cowell tell it like it is. He is a sarcastic git, no doubt about it, but he can spot talent when he sees it. His latest comment regarding the thing below, was that it's performance was "bordering on the grotesque". I agree wholeheartedly!
Please America, vote the little chutney ferret off.
I feel better now.
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