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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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NEW LIFE . : Archives : .
January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Wednesday, September 26, 2007NEW NAME REQUIRED!This is PP. He's the Number One Chillen. He's been all over the world with us, and the Other Chillen look up to him.  This is Babe - The Pig. She is ranked as the Number Two Chillen, because she was 2nd in the 'family'. She has Attitude. She gets dirty whenever she can. She sulks if she has to travel anything less than Business Class. Other Chillen behave around her - they have no choice.  These are The Kwatics : Snowy & Killa They like the seaside, swimming pools and basically any place that's got water.  This is Spike. He's normally very quiet and we think he hibernates at least three weeks a month. He's very well behaved.  This is Miss Molly. She thinks she's much prettier than The Pig. She likes to chill out by simply flopping.................anywhere & everywhere.  This is Greggy. He admits he's 'funny looking' but he doesn't care. He and Spadge's Dawg are very good friends. He doesn't know where he is in the Chillen Pecking Order.  This is Spadge's Dawg. He's an Adopted Chillen cos he didn't want to be left in a box in South Africa. He's so happy to be with the Other Chillen that he adopted his own little friend - Kiwi. They go everywhere together.   <<<> We don't know if he's a He or if she's a She Chillen. He/She wears a bobble hat & scarf ALL the time! Bobble likes cold weather and talks in a funny voice, often ending in "?" This is Mewel. She sleeps. Alot. She likes to stick to metal things cos she's got magnets in her hands and feets. Airport security personnel always touch her. She tries to sleep through all the manhandling.  And finally, we have a New Chillen On The Block. He arrived today, in a packet, all the way from South Africa - gosh! (We know he's a 'he' cos he's clutching a rugby ball) The only problem is, he doesn't have a name, poor little chap! So, the Other Chillen had a conference (when Mewel was awake) and asked me to "do a fing on yor Blog Mum an arsk all them Bloggin Peeps to find a name for The New Chillen!" There you have it! This little chap needs a name, in order to become a full member of The Chillen Family. They're not fussy & we're not fussy, but something that's possibly rugby related might get preferential nods of mass approval!  The rest is up to YOU!  
Tuesday, September 18, 2007A BOOK REVIEW, INVOLVING THE PUFFING OUT OF MY AMPLE CHEST!!!Every now & again, I come across an African based work of fiction that isn't a) politically motivated & b) a sob story. I like reading 'tales' from home, as I'm sure other expats do, of their respective countries - but 'light-hearted' tales & not those weighed down with accusations or political intolerance. So, if any of my readers check out the sidebars to my blog, they'll see there's a little black block that says: On My Perch At Night I'm Reading. I enjoy reading on my perch, as does Hubs. It tends to relax the grey matter before sinking into the Land of Nod. I can fall asleep easily (most nights) but will normally read until my eyes are heavy & I get to the stage where I HAVE to put the book down. Just recently, I stumbled across this book - Last Orders At Harrods - by an author called Michael Holman. The book grabbed my attention, due to two things: It was described as 'Delightful, entertaining, profound' by Alexander McCall Smith and The cover illustration, which depicts 'Harrods International Bar (and Nitespot). When I saw Alexander McCall Smith ranked the book, I thought 'this has got to be a winner'. Then when I saw the 'International Bar (and Nitespot)' I just knew it would be a good read. For anyone who has travelled through or lived in a variety of African countries, they'll understand how a 'nitespot' is so worthy of a story! So, I bought the book, posted it up in the On My Perch At Night little black box & proceeded to thoroughly enjoy the story. Michael Holman has written this book in such a way that I pictured 'Harrods' in my mind, as a place I knew of in Ghana - one 'Monica's Spot'*. I easily put faces to the characters - from the owner of Harrods - Charity Mupanga - to Ntoto & Rutere (street boys) & Edward Furniver, a terribly 'proper' Englishman. I'm not giving any of the storylines away - read the book for yourself!
About a week later, Hubs brought home a package for me. I carefully unwrapped it & was absolutely delighted to find this....................................
..........................the follow-up book to 'Harrods' - Fatboy and the Dancing Ladies (!) .................and inside....................this: 'To Jayne, My favourite blogger! With best wishes, Michael' - Plus he signed it in full.
So yet another WOW! and additional puffing out of my ample chest! Aren't I just the lucky one (smirk, smirk!) Needless to say, I have read 'Fatboy' already & it's brilliant! It's a great follow-up to 'Harrods' & within the first few pages, I found myself literally settling into the story - similar to how you kinda get comfy in a favourite armchair. I now eagerly await the next book in the series, which Michael informs me, he hopes to have complete by March next year. So to all fellow Bloggers who enjoy a good read - treat yourselves to 'Last Orders At Harrods' & 'Fatboy & the Dancing Ladies'. I'm sure you won't be disappointed! Finally, to Michael Holman, I thank you kind sir for taking the time to read through some of my drivel. You've made me a very happy Fair** Fat*** & Fortysomething**** fan of yours! * Monica's Spot is on the Main road that runs through Tarkwa, Ghana. Her original 'spot' was the first one you hit leaving or entering Tarkwa (depending on which way you were travelling). Monica ran the bar & nitespot herself & knew each customer by name. She often used to put a sign outside, on the dirt verge, which stated Fresh Girls Daily! The beer was always cold, the music never too loud & the food guaranteed to induce a good dose of the squirts within a few hours. Added bonuses were she had the electronic mosquito repellent lamps & her 'ladies' (read : whores) would never pester or ask a patron twice if he said "No thanks". Sadly, during my last stint in Ghana, just over 2yrs ago, I saw that 'Monica's Spot' has now moved to more modern premises, closer to town & now has the reputation of 'a bit of a rough spot'. It was only frequented by the most desparate of expats. Very sad. ** I'm no longer 'fair'. *** I am still fat, but not quite as fat as I was when starting the blog :-) **** I'll only be Fortysomething for another few months. I'm still hanging in there though!
Sunday, September 16, 2007MY TUPPENCE WORTH ON AN ABSOLUTE HORROR STORYFrom the Gulf News today : Riyadh: An Indonesian housemaid is in serious condition following amputation of both her hands and feet after a month-long torture by her employers, said a member of the Saudi National Society for Human Rights. Dr Nora Al Jumaih, member of the monitoring and follow-up committee at the Saudi National Society for Human Rights (NSHR), said in press statements yesterday that she would meet the chairman of the monitoring committee at NSHR to brief him on the case of the Indonesian maid. She added that a report on the condition of the Indonesian housemaid was prepared and will be handed over to NSHR. The Indonesian housemaid, whose name was not given, was earlier admitted to the Riyadh Medical Complex, popularly known as Shimaisy Hospital, after being severely beaten for almost one month by her employers, a Saudi man and his wife. The doctors in hospital decided to amputate her hands and feet because of gangrene. Severely beaten. Dr Nora, who visited the Indonesian housemaid in hospital, noted that she was in poor health. "It is clear that the woman was severely beaten after being tied up in the [courtyard of the house] under the sun for almost one month and was beaten with iron rods. Her teeth were knocked out and her lips were cut," the NSHR member pointed out. Dr Nora called for maximum punishment of the employer and his wife. "Cases of housemaids are the most complicated to deal with as this category does not know of a society that can help them and restore their rights," she said. "There should be collaboration between hospital officials and the press to make such cases known to the public and therefore the Human Rights Society would know about them," she added. Dr Nora noted that NSHR would follow up the case with the party assigned to question the employer and his wife. . . My Tuppence Worth: . Dr Nora, I would have thought it was blatantly f*cking obvious the housemaid was in 'poor health', what with having her teeth knocked out & cut lips, thanks to being beaten with iron rods. Oh, and lets not forget, the poor woman had also had her hands & feet amputated, thanks to gangrene. 'Poor health'???? Couldn't you have used stronger wording to get the message across? Maybe I'm ignorant, but I fail to see what is so complicated about laying a charge of GBH (as an absolute minimum) against the Saudi employer & his wife? Are Saudi's exempt from prosecution in cases like this? I think not. . My heart goes out to this poor woman. She no doubt went to The Magic Kingdom to earn a living, in order to support her family at home, as most maids do. I'm sure at times, she must have wished for death. How bloody sad is that? . May the perpetrators of such despicable acts of violence against another human being, suffer for the rest of their miserable existances. Always remember, what goes around, comes around. Your turn will come & I sincerely hope it is ten times more agonising than the pain you inflicted on your maid.
Saturday, September 15, 2007THIRTY SIX NILWhen faced by these men................  you really shouldn't expect to go home with anything more than this  .............. a handy keyring, with bottle opener.......to help you drink the pain away! SPRINGBOKS 36 ---- ENGLAND (NIL) 0 UP THE BOKS............OP DIE BOKKE!
Saturday, September 08, 2007RATHER SPLENDID SPECIMENSWe joined the HoG (Harley owners Group) on a run out to Jebel Hafeet yesterday. The whole run there was being filmed by a crew from Dubai TV, which was very spiffy I s'pose, but also a pain in the arse. Despite suffering badly from dehydration* & getting home absolutely knackered, a good time was had by the majority.      * It's the first time in my life I've voluntarily put ice in my bra!
Thursday, September 06, 2007SOUTH AFRICAN JOKEA South African Boertjie is drinking in a Aussie bar when his cell phone rings. He hangs up grinning from ear to ear and orders a round for the whole, bar announcing that his wife just gave birth to a 12 kg baby boy. Nobody can believe the weight but the South African just shrugs and says, "We make 'em big back home folks. My boy's typically South African". Congrats are showered on him and many exclamations of "WOW" are heard. One woman even faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the South African Boertjie returns to the same bar. Barman says "We were going to call you, everyone's been making bets as to how much your 12 kg son weighs now, so how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers that he now weighs 9 kg's'. The barman is puzzled and concerned and asks "What happened, he already weighed 12 kg on the day he was born". The South African father takes a slow swig from his long neck Castle beer, wipes his lips on his khaki shirt, leans proudly over to the bartender and says: "Had him circumcised boet"
              
Tuesday, September 04, 2007FOR CRYING IN A BLOODY BUCKET - ALL I WANT IS A SIMPLE ANSWER!This is a copy of the question I sent to the website linked enquiry form on www.nissan.co.za a couple of days ago: Could you please advise me as to the suitability of driving a Nissan Tiida on a graded gravel road in South Africa? Many thanks Jayne Winstanley On the required form, I was asked to state my first & surnames, my email address, my South African ID number & a contact telephone number. I filled in all the appropriate boxes, as one does............. This is a copy of the response I got from Nissan: Tumi Seekoei Good day Mr Winstanley Thank you for contacting Nissan Information Centre. It is always a pleasure for us at Nissan South Africa to hear from our customers first hand. As all Nissan parts and accessories are sold via the Nissan dealer network, we kindly advise that you contact your closest Nissan dealer for assistance. Should you not know who your closest Nissan dealer is, please give us a call at 0800 647726, alternatively e-mail us your location and we will respond with the name and telephone number of your closest dealer. Alternatively, please use the dealer locator on the official Nissan website to find your closest dealer I trust all is in order. Kind regards Tumi SEEKOEI Information Officer__________________________ NISSAN SOUTH AFRICA (PTY) LTD Tel: 0800 NISSANFax: 086 686 9602 E-mail: infodesk@nissan.co.za This really grated my tits I can tell you! So I replied: Good day, Firstly, as my name (Jayne) would suggest, I am a female. Secondly, I am not interested in or have enquired about parts or accessories for any Nissan vehicle. I am (again) enquiring as to the suitability of driving a Nissan Tiida on a graded gravel road in South Africa. Asking the local (Abu Dhabi) dealership that question will result in a blank stare. I may currently be living in the UAE, as my requested phone number suggests, but my enquiry is related DIRECTLY to South African conditions. Therefore I would appreciate it if you - or a member of Nissan's technical team - could answer my question. Yours Jayne Winstanley Now tell me folks, am I being unreasonable, or is Nissan South Africa employing idiots that are being sorely missed from nearby villages? . . All I want is a simple answer dammit!
Sunday, September 02, 2007GOOD TO BE HOME AGAINFinally, the unpacking, washing & ironing are all out of the way & my feet have touched ground in the Big Sandpit once more. Grandma survived for two whole weeks without us & without buggering up the TV or any other electrical appliance. She's just happy to have us home again......awwwww bless. My trip home to South Africa was blinding. My folks had recently moved to another small-ish town in the Eastern Cape - namely Port Alfred. I was curious to see what the town looked like, as I'd never been there before, but had heard a few choice stories about it, which was worrying. (I needn't have worried) I flew into Joburg, stayed overnight & then flew down to East London the following morning. I picked up a hire car & less than 90 minutes later, was greeted by Dubs & Pup, who alternated between hysterical laughter & crying.............the laughter because I arrived wearing an abaya & niqab* & the tears because it was an emotional reunion.  Pup & Dubs
Nice houses admittedly, but nice prices too. An average stand (plot) is approx 500sq.m & house sizes are around the 230sq.m (which is a 'comfortable' size to me) but for that, it'll set you back a cool R3million (approx. $421,000 or Dhs1.5million). The days of cheap property in Souf Efrica seem to be well & truly over.  We also took a drive out to Bathurst, which is renowned for two things - it's prime pineapple growing country & also an area where many of the 1820 Settlers actually settled. As you can see by the photo, the pineapples grow to a fair size......ahem!   An avenue of kaffirboom** trees, Bathurst. One Sunday morning, we decided to go up to the Toposcope, which is in Bathurst & from there, on to Kleinmonde, another seaside town. There's a dirt/gravel road connecting the two towns, so we opted to take that. The road is well travelled & also well maintained. I was tootling along merrily (as one does) but certainly not travelling at any kind of speed & next thing I know, the arse end of the hire car swiped violently to the left as it hit a patch of loose gravel. I tried to correct the steering & immediately the car skidded in the opposite direction. As much as my brain was screaming "don't touch the brakes!" I had to.....................which resulted in me practically losing all control. The car hit a bank & proceeded to take me on a low-flying detour through some very thorny bush, where it & we, finally came to a halt, thanks to the restraint of a farmers fence. Pup was in the passenger seat in front & was fine (thanks to me insisting he wear a seatbelt) but once the dust had begun to settle, Dubs chirped up from the back seat: "I think me neck has gone". Blinding - that's all I bloody need. The poor woman has had 4 major spinal operations & I had instant visions of ambulances, neck braces, more surgery etc. I just told her to sit still & not move at all. Unfortunately she wasn't 'buckled up' but in all fairness, I very rarely ever put on a seatbelt whilst sitting in the rear passenger seat of a car, so I could hardly blast her. Thankfully, no major damage was done to the car & Dubs was able to move around within minutes. I think her neck muscles must've siezed in an instant reaction & once she'd relaxed again, she was fine. The poxy car got bedded down in the sandy soil, but thankfully a passing motorist came to my aid & towed me back out on to the road again. (Picture damsel in distress, waving her arms frantically!) We headed home again & despite there being no real damage or injury, I just had to pull over & have a good cry. It was my first accident & I've been driving since I was 17yrs old. That evening, Hubs phoned & I told him about it. He was brilliant - he showered me with love & support & told me the main thing was no one was hurt.
Anyway, the time came for me to say bubye once again to my mum & dad..........heaps of snot 'n trana, hugs & kisses. I travelled back through to East London a few hours earlier than needed, because I'd made an appointment with a local tattoo artist.  It's been a few years now since I had 'SPADGE' done (under my original tattoo, which I had done in 1977.....eeeek!) & I remember it being just a tad painful, so I psyched myself up, got comfy in the chair, read another couple of chapters of my book & let the master create his piece of art...............which looks like this:  My departure from Joburg airport (a.k.a. Oliver Tampon International) was one of note. Good friends SLC (Sophisticated Little Chap) & his Missus 'Dear' came through from the East Rand to see me before I left. We caught up on old times & had a good laugh together. Unfortunately, an 'historically disadvantaged' mongrel (who was totally ratarse) decided to keep interrupting our private conversation. In almost 2wks, it was the first time I'd had any kind of run in with a flat-nose & it left a sour taste. The icing on the cake though was the security officer at the scanner prior to passport control. He deemed my bottle of Aigner perfume was larger than the official 100ml & he'd have to confiscate it. An argument ensued & I informed him he would have to smash the bottle in front of me, cos he sure as hell wasn't going to take it. There were a few choice swear words thrown in for good measure (by me) as his attitude pissed on my battery big time. I ended up going back out of the secure area & phoning 'Dear' to ask if she'd like to come back up to Departures to collect a bottle of rather nice perfume. She phoned me the following day to thank me & said she was well impressed..............well...................who am I to brag of my good choice in perfumes hmmmm? So, I returned to the Big Sandpit, unpacked, repacked & along with Hubs, set off for Dublin the following day. More on that in the next entry............................ * Gotta give the net curtain twitchers something to gossip about - especially with new folk moving into the street! ** It's always been known as the kaffirboom tree, but me dad said it's now to be known as the coral tree.
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