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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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Thursday, April 26, 2007PERSONAL DEALINGS WITH STRANGE PEOPLEOver the past decade or so, I've had the good fortune (or should that be misfortune?) to have some form of personal dealing with the following list of people: A COLD BLOODED MURDERER (who got away with the crime) TWO MERCENARIES (who were paid rather well for their jobs but were never sober for more than a few hours at a time) A CHAMPION JOCKEY (whose little legs I threatened to break, on numerous occasions) A MAN ON THE RUN FROM THE I.R.A. (who told some rather good jokes around a camp fire. Unfortunately he couldn't outrun his enemy & was found dead several months later) 2 WITCHDOCTORS (1 locally, whom I worked with & 1 in Zimbabwe, whom I paid for a consultation) SEVERAL NATIONAL & INTERNATIONAL RUGBY PLAYERS (Matt Dawson really does have Napoleon Syndrome, but you just want to hug Kobus Weise) A VERY SICK & TWISTED STALKER (who tried & failed to ruin a friends marriage) SOME RATHER NASTY LOOKING TERRORISTS (in Zimbabwe, who held myself & Hubs at gunpoint. Not nice people & they didn't 'arf smell) A TRIBAL CHIEF (who gave me a goat, $100 & 2 packets of McVities Digestive Biscuits.......bless. I'm not cheap y'know) A FASCINATING FRENCH CATHOLIC MISSIONARY (in Malawi, who was more local than the locals) So tell me...................have you met anyone 'out of the ordinary' just lately?  
Thursday, April 19, 2007QUIZ TIME - PRIZES OFFERED!!!I've copied this from the Chiel's column in the Daily Dispatch. Just a quick quiz to lighten the mood & take your mind off other stuff. No cheating please & no Googling for answers! 1. Name the one sport in which neither spectators nor participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends. 2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward? 3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several seasons. All others must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables? 4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside? 5. In some liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn’t been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside? 6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters “dw” and they are all common words. Name two of them. 7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them? 8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh. 9. Name six or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter “S”. Prizes: 9 - 9 : I'll send grandma round to do the washing up for a week.....applicable only in restricted areas & where there is a single man of at least 80yrs of age, who drinks, smokes & doesn't want sex. 8 - 9 : A genuine copy of a copy of a copy of a copy DVD of 'Borat', including authentic audience participation - i.e. laughing/coughing/farting etc. 7 - 9 : An instruction booklet on How To Cough Up Lung Butter Like A Local! (Physical demo can be arranged) 6 - 9 : A piece of genuine Kudu biltong, measuring just over a sliver & guaranteed to be at least 9mths old. Well travelled & just a tad crusty. 5 - 9 : A fascinating book all about Riyadh, entitled 'Waiting For The Tide To Come In'. 4 - 9 : A bar of real Olive soap - hand basin size, nicked from the Sheraton Amman Al Nabil Towers - still in its box!! 3 - 9 : A (single) lesson on how to hold your breath (without turning blue)for 6 minutes in an Abu Dhabi taxi that smells like a urinal in a bats cave. 2 - 9 : A comprehensive list of swear words in foreign languages. Very handy for shouting at your apartment neighbours brats. 1 - 9 : A home-made (by moi) Scotch egg or Choc-chip muffin - collectable only in the immediate vicinity :-)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007WHAT A GREAT IDEA!  There are times, particularly in a womans life, when she could do with a bit of spoiling. Birthdays, Valentines Day, Mother's Day & Crimble are always ideal times for that 'something special' in the form of a gift. It was Mummy Shans Birthday on Monday & I was at a loss as to what to get her. I know us wimmin like a lovely bouquet of flowers or box of chocolates, but for Shans, I wanted something 'different'. I trawled through endless search engines & examined sites for ideas, but nothing really jumped out & grabbed me. Then I came across PJ's and Prose & it really did satisfy my desire of finding the 'right' gift. I showed Hubs what it was all about & he said "go for it", which I did without further ado! I had a problem regarding the order form & sent an enquiry. Within an hour, I had a reply. How's that for bloody good service, considering it was Sunday? PJ's and Prose is a company started by a woman who needed a bit of pampering after an accident. A gift of PJ's, a book & slippers became the seed from which a business idea took shape & I personally reckon it's a great idea. You can choose a combination of gifts, which range from different styles of PJ's to soothing chillout CD's & bath oils. I'm giving the company a plug, because I honestly feel they deserve it. I was offered a personalised service (thank you Deirdre!) which is rare when dealing with an internet based company. Another bonus was the prompt delivery (today) without the fat excess fee many companies charge. Well done PJ's and Prose! I will definitely use your service again. *O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O*O Coupla hours later............just had an SMS from Shans, thanking us for such a thoughtful gift. That's made my day :-)
Monday, April 09, 2007JAYNEWITHAWHY A - ZAntipodean Blogger Ribbed For Your Pleasure(<-- really good stuff, plug plug) tagged me with an A - Z thingy, so here goes............. A - Available or Single I could possibly become available, for the right price naturally, but Grandma would probably beat me to it...........so that makes me 'neither'. Am quite happily living my journey through life, with Bob as my driver. B - Best Friend In a physical/spiritual sense, it has to be Bob, closely followed by The Other Lady & The Paki With Attitude (they know who they are). Losing myself in music is a great form of friendship, as there are no worries or restrictions to contend with, although the neighbours might disagree with that when they hear me warbling like a tone deaf elephant in extreme distress........ C - Cake or Pie Savoury pies but I'll never say no to a bit of choblit cake - the stodgier the better! D - Drink of Choice Tea, from the Nandi estates in Kenya, plus decent freshly made coffee. Mango juice in the morning, as it's great for taking the fur off your tonsils. E - Essential Item The Platinum card dahhhling, followed by some form of ID, as the world is becoming awfully complicated & paranoid - or is that just me? Any human form of bureaucrat simply won't believe who you are unless you offer some form of ID. A handy packet of fags & lighter is also essential in my handbag. F - Favourite Colour Not fussed really, although I like the fall shades of browns & oranges. For the car, it's a sharkish grey colour. For my food, as long as it's dead I'm fine with its colour. G - Gummi Bears or Worms Gotta be worms! As the childhood ditty goes: Nobody loves me Everybody hates me Fink I'm gonna eat worms...... Long ones, short ones, fat ones, skinny ones, see how the little ones squirm. Chop their 'eads off, suck their brains out 'fro their skins away Nobody knows how much I thrive on worms three times a day! H - Hometown Gonubie, Eastern Cape, Souf Efrika I - Indulgance Good perfume (not the common stuff) & clothes made to measure. J - January or February February, cos it's birthday month for moi & Hubs. K - Kids One - Spadge, almost 26yrs old. He was the one success after several losses & conception was aided by the fertility drug Clomid. He is his fathers clone and the unquestionable love of my life. Was nicknamed Spadge within hours of his birth, but is now only used by a couple of family members. Is now happily married to Shans, father to the incredible Chikkin & is currently a brilliant rugby coach at a private school in Dublin. Has the bloody knack of pissing on my battery & twisting me around his little finger with the greatest of ease. *sigh* I currently like to blame him for the pregnancy weight gain (27kg) which gave me a premature middle-aged spread. I know I could've done a bit more to shed the spread, but he was a 10lb baby.............that's my excuse & I'm sticking to it, even if it's 27yrs later. L - Life .................It's such an incredible journey, with a whole heap of bus stops along the way. I try to make light of many situations, as laughter really can work wonders. M - Marriage date. 18th December 1876 N- Number of Siblings. One - my big brother 'Charlie'. There's an 18mth gap between us, but we've only had sporadic contact since the late 70's, due to way too many things to mention. O - Oranges or Apples Both...........naval oranges from the Rustenburg area in SA are particularly juicy & sweet. I like apples, but biting into one is a near impossibility for me, as my dentures clamp onto the apple for dear life & have to be prized off with my fingers. Consequently, if I eat an apple, I have a sharp knife at hand, to chop the bugger into bite size pieces. Needless to say, I don't eat apples in public. P - Phobias, Fears. Am pretty scared of snakes, but no other critters that I can think of. I fear the loss of direct family members - it's a thing that really does your head in & takes ages to recover from. Q - Favourite Quote F*ck 'Em All Except Us (the family motto) R - Reason to Smile In no particular order.............Grandma farting (so funny!)/watching Spadge, Shans & Chikkin on MSN/new photos of Chikkin/Pup's sick jokes/new flowers on my bougainvillea or oleanders/a partner in life who would move the world if I asked him to/a coupla bucks to spare in the bank account/Chikkin/the smiles I get from the veggies at the rehab centre/more photos of Chikkin...........to name but a few. S - Season Spring..............I have fond memories of Springtime in the UK as a kid - new buds on trees, daffodils, bluebells & crocuses. It's like Mother Nature took a long doss in Winter & then decided to wake up with a smile. South African springtime tends to be very quick - one week the trees are bare & the following week they're covered in leaves. T - Tag Three People , M and J Adventures - nzm, and newcomer to blogging - Cest la Vie - Elle . Postponements on the task will be accepted in return for suitably large deposits into my bank account! U - Unknown Fact About Me There are one or two people - that have the misfortune to still be sucking in oxygen - that I would quite easily inflict a nasty injury on & not feel an iota of guilt about doing so. V* W - Worst Habit Ummm.....probably swearing, plus smoking, which is no doubt an addiction, but one I'm happy to live with. I also tend to be gullible & believe what people tell me, but am able to detect a bullshitter pretty quickly. X** Y - Your Favourite Foods Prawns, Bovril, cheese, cashew nuts, salad, full fat yogurt, Bournville dark chocolate.........not all at the same time though. Z - Zodiac Aquarius but I don't have any kind of belief in it/them.
P.S. Kees, I'll get around to doing your job tag thingy in the near future :-)
Saturday, April 07, 2007JORDAN - THE DEAD SEA BITOur trip to Jordan was split – we booked 4 nights at a luxury spa resort by the Dead Sea & then a further 2 nights in the capital Amman. The first thing that struck me - once we'd left the airport - was how green the countryside was - such a lovely change from the sand dunes here! The spa resort was pretty much all that it was cracked up to be, going by what we’d seen on the internet. The hotel was of a 5 star standard (I'll slum it in a 4 star if I really really have to) & the gardens/grounds were laid out beautifully, with wonderful splashes of colour from the plants. We did encounter a few problems though…………..namely that half the population of Amman had also decided to stay at the resort at the same time & that half brought their noisy/obnoxious offspring along for the ride. There’s no getting away from the buggers is there? The other thing that pissed on our batteries was that the resort tended to cater primarily for locals. Correct me if I’m wrong, but shouldn’t a major international hotel chain also cater for overseas visitors? Foodwise, it was a bloody disaster. Not everyone wants soggy parboiled/pargrilled/part-dead eggplant, hard boiled eggs & hummus for breakfast every day. I’d love to know just why the chef thought that a mix of kidney beans, baked beans & strips of red & yellow peppers would be appealing? Service by waitrons (silly word) was pathetic & that's being generous. Enough moaning! Just about every swimming pool was taken over by the obnoxiously loud offspring of other visitors, but thankfully, we found quiet refuge down on the man-made beach, next to the sea. Hubs & I whiled away the hours ‘neath a thatch umbrella with a good book each. The weather was smashing – about 25C with a nice breeze. I’ve been as pale as a new immigrant since coming to the UAE, so I decided to catch some rays, cos really, it wasn’t THAT hot. After a few hours, Hubs & I decided it was time we take a dunk in the famous Dead Sea – ahem. What an experience! After we’d waded in to about knee high depth of water, it was as if a magnetic type of force was trying to pull us in! The physical density of the sea water is nothing short of amazing……….it actually looked like someone had filled the sea with millions of gallons of oil, as we could see distinct patterns & swirls in the water. Very weird! When I finally went in completely (and half the sea rushed out in protest) I honestly couldn’t stop laughing! (The waves my laughter created could be akin to a tsunami I s'pose) The whole situation was really comical – trying to fight against the buoyancy of the water! I floated on my front, on my back & in a sitting position, which was hysterical. Trying to flip my rather large frame over onto my back took me into another fit of giggles…………all the time trying not to get a drop of water in either my mouth or eyes. Hubs & I really enjoyed ourselves & I can honestly say that it really is an experience of a lifetime. For anyone who hasn’t floated in the Dead Sea, I say wholeheartedly, put it on your list of things to DO! Apparently the salt content in normal seawater is on average 3%. The salt content in the Dead Sea is officially listed as 31.7%. Having tasted a stray drop that landed on my bottom lip, I can say without a doubt, it is VILE! Sunburn Score: Hubs – Head & feet. Me – Face, neck, shoulders, thighs, chest & shins. I win. No prizes for not listening to Hubs when he said “you’re going VERY pink.” That evening I looked like a lobster, but the pain only followed the following day. The next day, Hubs & I trundled over to the Spa, to book a massage each. Everyman & his friggin camel had the same idea! No appointments were available for at least 2 days. Blinding! After much pleading, the receptionist tapped away at his keyboard & came up with a 12 o’clock appointment for a hot rock massage for Hubs……but absolutely nothing available for me……….sniff………..sob! I was told there were no female masseuses available, so I said fine, I’ll have a male………ooops..…WRONG thing to say! I got the raised eyebrow ‘haram’ look & repeated confirmation that I couldn’t have a massage. Hubs duly went for his & came back glowing, relaxed & his muscles un-knotted. I was jealous………….but then he told me there’d been a cancellation & a female masseuse was available at 6pm if I’d like it? No sooner said than done, he was on the blower confirming the spot for me – yay! So off I went to the Spa, for my much anticipated hot rock massage. On sunburnt shoulders. And a smart arsed masseuse who wanted to know if I tried to catch ‘all the sun’ in one day. The bitch was so tiny a good gust of wind would’ve carried her to Syria, but when she put those hot rocks on my shoulders, she had the strength of Mike Tyson. I said “Owwww………eina!” as discreetly as possible. We didn’t sleep too well that night, because despite the relaxation of the massage, the pain of the sunburn surfaced with a vengeance! Next bit to follow soon :-)
 (I have walked the same path as Kings & Emporers)    
    
   
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