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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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NEW LIFE . : Archives : .
January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Thursday, December 28, 2006CRIMBLE DAY PICSA tornado has hit Abu Dhabi.............a tornado in the shape & form of our 13mth baby grand-daughter called Lilly Mai (a.k.a.Chikkin). This child doesn't walk anywhere - she runs! She has the most infectious giggle & cheekiest grin I've ever seen!     
Saturday, December 23, 2006WAIT SMALL - THEY'RE NEARLY HERE............This bit is all ready..............twinkling lights, baubles, bells & stars hanging from every branch & a heap of presents underneath.  This bit of the equasion is missing, but only for a short while Insh'allah.  Spadges plane took off on time from Gatwick. Shans + Chikkin & Stewie's plane took off 45mins late from Joburg. They're all due in around 8pm this evening. It's almost 5.00pm. THE WAITING IS KILLING ME!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, December 21, 2006HAVING A STRESS ON ! !I'm having a bit of a stress-on at the moment. All is not rosy in the life of this Jaynewithawhy & I have to endure the stress for another 24hrs at least. My neck muscles have siezed up & I've kept myself so busy today that I'm fit to drop. Hubs is equally stressed & Grandma has joined our little club, cos she really doesn't want to be left out in the misery stakes. Mummy Shans is currently at home in SA. She's been prodded, poked & operated on twice in the space of a few hours. She went home to have a holiday & also to be the Maid of Honour at her best friends wedding. Chikkin was a flower girl (everyone say "awwww") & thankfully the wedding went off without any hassles. But the surgery has left Shans exhausted & no doubt scared, as test results aren't looking too good right now. Then poor Mummy Shans got a secondary infection, which has led to bleeding. She is due to leave for Joburg tomorrow afternoon & due to catch a plane to Abu Dhabi on Saturday morning. This is so that we can all be together as a family for Crimble. Spadge is flying in from Dublin (via Gatwick) & it's here that I can only say "Insh'allah" (God willing) Shans doctor has said it's too risky for her to fly if she's bleeding too much. She's on new antibiotics to fight the infection & has to see the doc again tomorrow morning, where hopefully - Insh'allah - she will be given the all clear. Timing is crucial - there is no time to spare, eeeeek! This morning, on Sky News, the headlines were all about flights being cancelled left, right & centre , to & from Heathrow, Gatwick, Manchester & Aberdeen, due to heavy/dense fog. Blinding! I sent an SMS to Spadge & asked him to please check to make sure his flight was still scheduled. I heard bugger all for hours & hours. Here's me having a right stress, because the idea of him not being able to leave Dublin and/or London was just unbearable. I hear nothing. My frustration mounts. I cave in & phone him, blast him from a dizzy height ("don't you check for messages on your phone or watch the bloody news?"). The retort: "Chill mum, it's bright sunshine here" Me: "Well it ain't in fuckin' London(!) which means yer plane can't land, which means it won't take off...................blah blah blah............please get in touch with the airport & let me know what the score is!" I do the ironing. It distracts me from the rising panic. Hubs comes home from work & I tell him what's been going off. He's as pissed off & frustrated as I am. We wait small. I get an SMS from Spadge, he's boarding the plane. Don't sweat the small stuff mum, he says. So tonight, we're waiting small for the final verdict from Mummy Shans doctor, which we will only find out around lunch-time tomorrow. Co-ordinating this family get together for Crimble has been somewhat trying. Two adults & one Chikkin - 3 different passports & coming from different ends of the world via 4 different airlines. And to make things even more interesting, my 'surrogate' son Stewie, also from the Eastern Cape, will be joining us for Crimble as well! Insh'alla our family will make it to Abu Dhabi as planned. Sometimes I wonder.............................maybe I should start drinking again!! Update - 22nd: Mummy Shans has got the all clear from the doc & can fly as planned. WHEW!!!!!! The Chikkin will be landing................stay tuned!
Friday, December 15, 2006AMAZING PHOTO ....this is a picture taken directly above these camels in the desert. It is considered one of the best pictures of the year. Look closely, the camels are the little white lines in the picture. The black you see is just the shadows!
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question. You have to answer them instantly. You can't take your time, answer all of them immediately. OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are. Ready? GO!!! First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in? Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second! Try not to screw up in the next question.To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question. Second Question: If you overtake the last person, then you are...? Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person? You're not very good at this! Are you? Third Question: Very tricky math! Note: This must be done in your head only. Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it. Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000Now add 10. What is the total? Did you get 5000? The correct answer is actually 4100. Don't believe it? Check with your calculator! Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right? Fourth Question: Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,4. Nono.What is the name of the fifth daughter? Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary Read the question again Okay, now the bonus round: There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done. Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair of sunglasses, how should he express himself? He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple!
Thursday, December 14, 2006A VERY POLITICALLY INCORRECT CRIMBLE STORY There was this bloke outside the local shopping mall the other day, dressed all in red with white fur trimming and he was ringing a bell and yelling out for some woman, "Mary something-or-other".Well, I could tell this bloke was a feckin' nutter and a probable trouble-maker straight away and I reckoned he was probably hurting the business of the store owners in the mall so I decided I'd do everyone a favour ask him to move on. (This dickhead seems to turn up every year about this time and is always trying to get little kiddies to sit on his knee so I suspect he's a kiddie-fiddler too.) Anyway, mall security were there watching this guy and so I told my wife and two daughters to stay where they were while I approached him to ask him to fuck off. Next thing I know along come a group of his friends and, fuck me, they were all little dwarvish fuckers with pointy ears and all looking at me menacingly. Now, I'm not PC and I'm not scared to admit I hate them little fuckers. Not kids I mean, I love kids, love them with a passion in fact. It's them little fuckers who never grow up that shit me, but I knew where my duty to the good people shopping and the store owners lay so I continued to advance toward him. Anyway as I'm walking toward him he turns around and spots my wife and daughters and, without any provacation, suddenly yells at them calling them whores. Well, to be 100% accurate, he actually called each one of them a "ho" but I'm not dumb and I'm up with all that 'bubonics' that the ethnics speak so I knew what he was trying to say.Now anyone with a wife, girlfirend or daughter on here would have done the same thing. I king hit the c*nt and down he went. Then I kneed two of the short arse fuckers in the face and kicked a third one in the nuts. I could hear the crowd cheering me on in the background yelling things like "For God's sake, get him" and shit like this, but the little fuckers outnumbered me and I was starting to tire a bit. Thankfully though the mall security guys came and hauled me out of the fracas to get me out of harms way. The dickhead I floored was carrying on and wanted medical attention and all he had was a black eye, a split lip and a busted cheekbone. I said he must be a poofball player and was told to shut the fuck up by a security guard. (I took his advice as he must be a pissed off Chelsea supporter). Anyway, they took me around the corner and I figure that they didn't want me to get set upon by them little fuckers again so, to make it look like I'd already had enough, they gave me a bit of a punch or two in the face to bring up some bruises and make it look good. Oh and one of them belted me in the kidneys with his torch. Oh, that's right...another one kneed me in the nuts. But all in all they were pretty good about making it look like I'd been duffed up. Anyway, as the security guards dragged me out of the mall to safety afterwards, I could tell the crowd were really appreciative of my efforts because they were all clapping and cheering and whistling. My wife and kids were amazing too. They are street-smart enough to know that if they had raised a fuss the dwarvish fuckers would have probably set upon them next, so, to melt into the crowd, they cheered and clapped and whistled harder and louder than anyone else. You just feel so proud as a husband and father when you see your family are clever like that. So anyway guys, I've done my bit in this very PC world we live in to make the place safer for all of you'se and ya' can thank me and buy me a beer next time ya' see me.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006AIR ZIMBABWE “Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. This is your pilot Captain Gladstone Pambiri welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Air Zimbabwe. “We apologise for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery I run on the side. This is flight 126 to Harare. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in Zimbabwe and, if luck is in our favour, that may be on your village! “Air Zimbabwe has an excellent safety record. In fact, our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure that I announce that, starting this year, over 30 percent of our passengers have reached their destination. “If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request we can arrange to turn them off. “To make your free fall to Earth pleasant and memorable, we serve complimentary Stella tea and Rambawaraira biscuits! For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God! “We regret to inform you that today’s in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. However, for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window. “Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down. “In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close to the ground as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark. “Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can’t find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And, for those of you who can’t find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase and how to place your chickens in the overhead locker. “Please enjoy your flight with Air Zimbabwe.” That satire was sent in to the Daily Dispatch newspaper by David Melvill, which I have duly copied & posted here :-) On a personal note, I've had the (mis)fortune to fly on Air Zimbabwe several times. On one occasion, the Captain/Pilot addressed us passengers with the following statement: "Eyyy, eh....eh.... herro leddies an gentlemens, dis am yo Kepten spikkin" which was followed by several minutes of drivel concerning the flight time etc. This was then followed by: "And the wedder fukkers in Victoria Falls am very good for today" White knuckle death grip is a common affliction amongst Air Zim passengers! ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ ¬ Oh it's so nice to see people like 'Andre' aren't afraid to put signs up that tell it like it is! Nice one boet!! 
Tuesday, December 05, 2006IT'S AVAILABLE, BUT ONLY IF YOU'RE THE RIGHT RELIGIONI never realised that money held its own religious value. If a building is for sale, does Druze money hold more value than Sunni money, or Christian money hmmm?  Does having your religion broadcast on your numberplate make you a better driver? Or a target for someone of a different religion to hit you perhaps?
Each advertisment has its own religious restriction. Can someone tell me just how a car owned by a Maronite will perform all the better because it has never been driven by a non-Maronite?
I've been to Christian doctors, Muslim doctors & Jewish doctors. They've been black, white, Asian, coffee coloured etc. etc & not once have I ever wondered how their religion affected their performance as a doctor. I'm now wondering if there's something wrong with me..................ahem......
And just why is it Turkish Airlines only ever have the friggin meat shawarma & not chicken hey?? 
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