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Friday, March 24, 2006

The Ajman Federal Sharia Court of First Instance is questioning four sisters and their stepfather for committing incest.
The Ajman public prosecution accused the stepfather in his fifties with sleeping with his three stepdaughters and has charged the three girls with allowing their stepfather to sleep with them. This is the first ever case of its kind in the UAE.
Last month the court started questioning the sisters and their Pakistani stepfather, identified as A., about his sexual relationship with his national stepdaughters since 1996.
The girls aged between 21 and 26 told the judge that their stepfather used to threaten them with a knife, forcing them to give in.
The girls reportedly gave birth to more than 12 children through their stepfather. Sources said when they were arrested in 2005 one of the girls was eight months pregnant.
The court asked whether the three sisters went to school or if they had friends, and whether anyone asked them whose children (born through the stepfather) they were.

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I am absolutely stunned that despite informing the police that they were forced to have sex with their stepfather, they are still charged with the crime of ALLOWING their stepfather to do what he did. For crying out loud!! No mention of the stepfather being a monster........oh no........he's merely identified as A. Publish the bastards full name & string him up by the balls, just as a start! And, what age is a woman, if she's still regarded as a 'girl' at the age of 21 or 26? By the ages stated, these women had already been abused & had given birth to numerous children, courtesy of the stepmonster. But the reporter(?) for Gulf News described them as girls...................go figure.

I wonder which rubbish bin was the favourite dropping off spot for the unwanted products of this evil bastards actions?

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2nd article

Car window tint proves fatal for pedestrian

Dubai: The full tinting of a car's windows was blamed for the death of a pedestrian and injury of another on Tuesday, police said yesterday.
An Indian pedestrian was killed and another was injured on the seventh bridge of the Emirates Road at about 8.30pm.

According to police, a truck on the bridge tried to change lanes and overtake other vehicles.
The national driver of a four-wheel drive tried to avoid the truck and changed lanes to the right.
But he ran onto the hard shoulder and then the sand. But three people standing on the sand waiting to cross the road caught him by surprise.
The police said the motorist tried to avoid them but hit two, killing one and injuring the other. He was driving at 100 to 110 km/hr.

A police source said the reason the national could not see the three people was the 100 per cent tinting on his car windows.
"I sat in his car after the accident. It was impossible to see through the windows in the dark," the source said.
Five people have been run over this month.
Dubai Police do not allow more than 30 per cent tinting of car windows. The current penalty for applying more than 30 per cent tinting is Dhs500, confiscation of the vehicle for at least a week, and two weeks in case the offence is repeated. Unless the motorist has permission for more than 30 per cent tinting, he is fined.

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Ummmm........3 (innocent) people standing on the side of the road caught the driver by surprise? I wonder if they played any part in the erection of 'WARNING ROAD SURPRISES' signs dotted along the highway? Of course, it must've been their collective fault for being on the side of the road!! If they hadn't have been there, the driver who caused the accident - y'know, the one who couldn't see bugger all because his windscreen was tinted black - wouldn't have had the accident right? Insh'allah. So this driver is gonna get a slap on the wrist, a Dhs500 fine & confiscation of his vehicle for a week. Oh wow! Isn't he just the lucky one!! Meanwhile, back in the sand, one lies dead & another injured. Somehow, I think the driver of the 4 x 4 won't be the one to phone the relatives of the person he killed & tell them how sorry he is................

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next article;

Drowned in blood

TWO men are fighting for their lives in Cuyler Hospital in Uitenhage after nearly drowning in chicken’s blood while trying to save their colleague who had drowned in a vat of chicken blood. Henco Barnard, labour contract manager at Rocklands Poultry Farm in Kruisrivier outside Port Elizabeth, said Basenele Jazela, 21, and Banele Jafta, 36, had been admitted to the hospital last Friday after nearly drowning in a vat of chicken blood at the poultry farm while trying to rescue employee Sicelo Patrick Khatsi, 39, of KwaNobuhle, Uitenhage.
Khatsi had slipped while cleaning out the blood bins into which blood is drained during the slaughtering process.
Jazela and Jafta went to Khatsi’s aid, but were unable to help him and he drowned on the scene.
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EEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

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And finally........

Royals given luxury BMWs costing R1,5m (Dhs872093)

THE EASTERN Cape’s royals are now driving luxury German cars “befitting their status” at a cost of R1,5 million to the taxpayer.
The six BMW X5s presented to the province’s five kings and a queen by Local Government MEC Sam Kwelita in East London yesterday are certainly a notch up from the Nissan X-Trails that they have been driving for the last three years.
Two more BMWs – X3s – went to the chairman of the provincial House of Traditional Leaders, Chief Ngangomhlaba Matanzima, and his deputy, Prince Zolile Burns-Ncamashe.
Kwelita said there were strict rules governing the use of the state-owned Nissan X-Trails, such as the requirements to keep logbooks and that only one person was authorised to drive each vehicle, which did not go down well with the province’s royalty.
He said the quality of the previous vehicles did not befit the dignity associated with those born with blue blood.
King Buyelekhaya Dalindyebo, of abaThembu, even handed back his X-Trail to the government “because of the difficulties of using it”.
Lunathi Makapela, senior manager for supply chain management in the department, said the pricing of the deal influenced the choice of vehicle selected.
He said the R1,5m annual price tag would cover rental, use, and the fuel costs. The department would replace the vehicles once they had 150000km on the clock or after two years, Makapela said.
PAC leader Zingisa Mkabile said while the traditional leaders should get transport, this should not be extravagant.
“Instead of giving kings luxury cars, they should build their tribal authorities and give them resources (to serve communities),” Mkabile said. “Those BMWs will stick out like a sore thumb among those dilapidated structures.”
UDM spokesperson Maxwell Mhlati expressed shock, saying the previous vehicles had been bought fairly recently.
He said with a R45000 monthly salary, the kings earned enough money to buy their own cars.
“We are shocked there are new cars. If the taxpayer pays there should be accountability,” Mhlati said.

* * * * * * * * * *

Oh my nerves! (<-- a typical Souf Efrican exclamation, normally followed by "doll" when uttered by wimmin) Does this mean only those who have 'blue blood' are worthy enough to drive a Beemer X5?

This article tickles me pink, it really does! The tax-payer foots the bill for the tribal royals to nut around in their regal cars, but that's not good enough for them, because they want any driver to be able to use it! I'm sure the X5 will stick out like a sore thumb among the 'dilapidated structures' - i.e. mud huts, but what the hell, if it's garden furniture inside & a Beemer outside, they can live like the other heap of wannabes. The things that pisses me off if that these royals are coining it to the tune of R45,000pm (Dhs26470) & it's not enough..................it's never enough is it? I'd love to know what the tribal royals & chiefs do for their communities, I really would. At least Robert, my favourite chief in Ghana, used the profits he made from supplying sand to a contract to electrify the whole of his village.

Nuff sed before I spit my dummy big time...............

Posted by Jayne :: 16:27 :: 6 Had Somminc To Say

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Tuesday, March 21, 2006

NO BLOODY IDEA

I phoned Pierre Cardin in Abu Dhabi Mall this morning. My conversation with the salesman(?) went as follows:

"'Allo Pierre Cardin"

"Good morning" (says I) "Could you tell me please if you do mens suits made to measure?"

"What??"

"Could you tell me please if you make mens suits - made to measure?"

"Phone me back in 5 minutes. I'm busy."

End of conversation.

No, Mr Salesman with Regional attitude, I will not phone you back in 5 minutes because you're busy. I (and Hubs) will take our money & spend it elsewhere, because I wouldn't piss on you if you were on fire with the attitude you give customers over the phone. You've just lost your company a coupla thousand bucks. Check the worry in my eyes!

People like him have got no bloody idea just how important the customer is. Think I'll drop an email to PC head office now, just to have a further bitch. F**k 'em!

Posted by Jayne :: 11:15 :: 10 Had Somminc To Say

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Sunday, March 19, 2006

A CAT STORY

INSTRUCTIONS FOR GIVING A CAT A PILL

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right fore-finger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees. Hold front and rear paws firmly. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler & rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail. Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered Doulton figures from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to stretch out flat on top of cat with head just visible from below arm-pit. Put pill in end of drinking straw. Force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans. Drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm & remove blood from carpet with cold water & soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard & close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage & put door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of your last tetanus shot. Throw T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed, force cat's mouth open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Hold head vertically & pour pint of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Stop by the furniture store on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to find a new home for cat & ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.


Now I know why we've got a Staffie!

Posted by Jayne :: 21:37 :: 3 Had Somminc To Say

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---------------oOo--------------- A SUNDAY OUTING

On a Friday/Sunday, hubs & I like to sloth out. Hubs works a 6 day week & whatever he wants to do on the 7th day is 100% fine by me. I've called it his Chill Day..............he can chill out, watch DVD's or play his games on the computer...........whatever, it's fine by me. We have breakfast around midday & Hubs cooks the evening meal, as he enjoys doing that on his day off. It's normally a very tasty meal too & I'd offer his services to others, but they couldn't afford him.........hehehehe.
Anyway, around 3pm on Friday, Hubs said we needed to go to Marina Mall, to collect something. I said fine, I'd like to get a coupla things in Carr4, so we can kill 2 flu-free birds with one stone. We left the apartment around 4.30pm I think.
On any normal day, it takes around 10 minutes to drive from our apartment to Marinal Mall. If I get a suicidal taxi, I can do it in 5 minutes & still arrive with all my limbs still attached, but sanity looming very dangerously nearby..........
Hubs & I thought we'd just nut out to the mall & be back in plenty of time for him to prepare another scrumptious meal.
W R O N G !!!
We like to drive along the Corniche, mainly because we consider it to be pretty, with multi-coloured Petunias along the kerb tops & perfectly manicured trees*. The seawater looks so inviting & on the whole, I s'pose one could describe it as picture perfect. On Friday, it wasn't picture perfect. It was totally CHAOTIC! Within 2 seconds of joining the Corniche road, we were swallowed up into the abyss of the worst traffic jam I've ever been in. Every inch of every lane, irrespective of the direction of traffic, was taken up by cars. Traffic flow was reduced to as little as 5 metres at a time. This was mainly because 95% of the population of the UAE decided to go & view the free air show, which just happened to be - yep, you guessed it - along the Corniche! I knew about the show as I'd seen a couple of adverts for it, but never gave it another thought & forgot to tell Hubs, ooops! Motorists with rubber necks & pedestrians battling the sandy winds filled the whole of the Corniche to bursting point. It was quite a sight & it's one that myself & Hubs do not ever want to see or be involved in ever again! Thanks to the Oh So Typical Local Driver, traffic couldn't flow properly because they kept changing lanes every time traffic began to move at a snails pace. The LookAtMeStillCoveredInPlastic brand new 4 x 4 brigade were the worst, swiftly followed by the 7 Series & Tacky Merc that have GAD's** fitted but are never ever used. The absolute Arsehole Of The Traffic Jam award just has to go to the bloke/family in a gold coloured Lexus - complete with blackened windows of course - who insisted on torturing the surrounding motorists (who were brave enough to have their windows open) with his Strangled Cat Playing Bells & Tambourine music. He flitted in & out of lanes for the whole length of the Corniche & every now & again we would get a blast of the cat being strangled. He never got to the end of the road any quicker, like the rest of those jumping lanes all the time. Our leisurely 10min drive took an amazing 1 hour & 45mins! The airshow had long finished before we even got on the road! The majority of traffic was heading for Marina Mall, which pissed on Hubs' battery even more. Once we had arrived, Hubs found the first available parking space & we headed off to where he had to collect his thing. The Mall has doubled in space overnight, so it took a while for us to find this place, but we did & made our way out. I needed to squeeze a kidney & it took some 15 minutes & 2 floors to find a Ladies toilet that didn't have a queue of 20 cross legged females & 37 gawking kids all waiting in turn to use a loo which wasn't occupied by someone doing their weekly ablutions. Jislaaik! (a term of frustration) After a record breaking kidney squeeze (I was getting just a tad desperate by that time) we decided to have a cup of coffee, just to calm our nerves as it were. Another bloody mistake! The new coffee bar looked very inviting & the coffee smelled quite aromatic. It was an hallucination, cos back in the real world, the coffee was weak & tasteless. Bugger!!!

We were both so tired, ratty & stressed from the traffic & hordes of people that cooking just didn't seem so appealing to Hubs. It was almost 8pm by the time we got away from the mall. We stopped at a Subway on the way back, got 2 footlong rolls & made our way home. We had our Subs, some ice-cream & nice cuppee tea, watched Rome & then hit the perch, vowing to never again go out when there's an event (of any kind) in Abu Dhabi!

* I've never seen anyone trimming/pruning or shaping the trees, whether it be during the day or late at night. I've seen the paving being cleaned with an industrial type machine, but no gardeners or suspects with shears..............strange methinks..........very strange!

** GAD Guttra Adjusting Device.............commonly known as a rearview mirror.

Posted by Jayne :: 15:49 :: 1 Had Somminc To Say

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Wednesday, March 08, 2006

MY 100 LIST OF USELESS INFORMATION

Whilst browsing through various UAE blogs recently, I came across one by Red_Pen, who listed '100 Totally Random Things About Me You Never Wanted To Know'. I thought it was a pretty good idea, so I'm gonna make a start on my own list........................(could be weird cos I'm lissenin' to Skunk Anansie at the moment!)

1 - I went into fits of hysterical laughter in a crematorium.
2 - I'm waiting for religion to find me, cos I'm tired of looking for it.
3 - I've never shaved my legs.
4 - I talk to my plants; "Grow yer buggers, or else!"
5 - Detest filing paperwork until I HAVE to do it.
6 - Last time I got drunk was 1977.
8 - Love reading in bed.
9 - Don't bother asking if I look fat in this/that anymore. I do!
10 - Am mesmerized by Victoria Falls. Every time is different.
11 - Been fired from a job for laughing too much.
12 - I trust people way too much.
13 - Reckon Hubs has got the sexiest bum!
14 - (Spadge is a very close 2nd)
15 - Was given a goat - as a gift - by a tribal chief in Ghana.
16 - Will eat the crust on a pork pie, but not the filling.
17 - It took me more than 10yrs to be able to merely handle boerewors.
18 - I suffer from Foot-in-Mouth syndrome.
19 - Would rather chew glass than eat a steak.
20 - Refuse to feel guilty because I smoke.
21 - I abuse my vacuum cleaner every time I use it - without fail.
22 - Am currently trying to compile a family tree.
23 - Have visited 23 countries.
24 - Refuse point blank to live in England.
25 - Or Nigeria.
26 - Think that prostitution should be legalised.
27 - Appreciate Hubs cooking spectacular meals on Fridays :-)
28 - Think London is brilliant for tourists.
29 - Know that I have a short temper.
30 - Wish I had the patience to grow my hair longer.
31 - Prefer coffee to tea.
32 - I appreciate friendships that are genuine.
33 - Could never get the hang of whistling with my fingers.
34 - I'm tone deaf, but still warble away to my hearts' content :-)
35 - I rarely get lonely.
36 - Have had malaria more times than I can remember.
37 - Cannot abide movies with Chuck Norris or Steven Segal.
38 - I enjoy writing poetry.
39 - Think Wilbur Smith has definitely lost the plot nowadays.
40 - When I was a child, I pulled an old ladys wig off.
41 - I've NEVER been small.
42 - I was born big & I'm still growing - out rather than up!
43 - Say 'terrid' instead of 'terrible' & have done for 35yrs now.
44 - Remember Spadge's first word; "da da"
45 - His second word was "shit"
46 - I detest having to clean windows.
47 - I had my first tattoo done almost 30yrs ago.
48 - And have never ever regretted it.
49 - Have had 2 articles published by a professional organisation.
50 - I never take my wedding rings off unless...........
51 - I have to have an operation & the surgeon insists.
52 - I have an older brother, whom I haven't seen for heaps of years.
53 - He's got a reputation for being 'well 'ard'.
54 - Reckon Robbie Williams is a Fudge Pecker.
55 - Would love to visit the Grand Ole Opry.
56 - I look like a bag of snakes in the morning.
57 - Was the tallest kid in primary school.
58 - Spadge now has a leather belt I wore as a rebel-without-a-clue.
59 - Am planning a trip to celebrate our Pearl wedding anniversay.
60 - Went for an elephant ride in Thailand
61 - And felt guilty cos I thought I was too heavy for it.
62 - Have been told by the Muttawa to cover my hair.
63 - I'm one of the strange ones who enjoyed the Magic Kingdom
64 - Which is Saudi Arabia to those who don't know.
65 - Was given 2pkts of McVities Digestive biscuits & $100
66 - By the chief in Ghana.
67 - I thought Hubs had sold me...........
68 - Pretty bloody cheap!
69 - Hubs & myself are both Aquariuns.
70 - I don't believe in Horoscopes.
71 - I reckon Ankh-Morpork is more fun than Accra.
72 - Got dysentry in Swaziland.
73 - Would love to go horse riding.
74 - Anyone got a spare Shire horse knocking around?
75 - I've driven past an elephant less than 6" away & not seen it.
76 - Think that the saddest songs are written by women.
77 - I still have letters written to me by my dad from 1971.
78 - They are so treasured.
79 - Also letters from Hubs from before we were hitched.
80 - Highly treasured scribes.
81 - Intend to read every Terry Pratchett book written.
82 - Was allergic to sea water for many years.
83 - I had my first mammogram last year.
84 - I like my eyes.
85 - That's about all I like of me.
86 - Only started eating garlic when I was about 26.
87 - I stopped eating meat when I was a kid.
88 - I can cook a smashing joint of roast beef.
89 - I just can't eat it.
90 - I can eat bacon, if it's nearly cremated.
91 - Peanut butter sandwiches dunked in coffee are blinding!
92 - Lived in South Africa 23yrs before I got to see Cape Town
93 - And Table Mountain, with & without its cloth of clouds :-)
94 - Was a penpal to a guy on Death Row in America for several years.
95 - When I was growing up I'd never date a boy younger than myself.
96 - I can quite happily sleep for 10hrs given the chance.
97 - I snore...........to the extent of waking myself up sometimes!
98 - The truth always hurts.
99 - I miss my family so much & Mungo, our Staffie.
100 - Thanks for the great idea Red_Pen!

G'night folks...............

Posted by Jayne :: 15:52 :: 9 Had Somminc To Say

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---------------oOo--------------- HERE'S LOOKIN' AT YOU!

I can't help myself...........Chikkin is an absolute picture! She's now 4mths old & seems to be taking on a whole new personality. To me, the expression on her face in this photo is priceless! Roll on May!

Posted by Jayne :: 15:44 :: 3 Had Somminc To Say

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Monday, March 06, 2006

SMILE PLEASE

I did my weekly volunteer stint at the rehab centre this morning - nothing unusual in that - except I took my camera with me. I've been mulling over an idea for a few days now............I thought I'd write an article all about the significance of a smile. For anyone who's read my blog in the past, you'll know I get the greatest of pleasure in seeing 'the guys' smile. These men are severely mentally & physically handicapped, they cannot walk or talk, but they sure can smile. So, methinks I'd do an article & take some photos - not of the hospital, or the wards, or the nurses/assistants, but just the smile of each patient. Whilst the music 'therapy' was in full swing, I asked one of the nursing attendants if it would be OK if I took some photos & explained that I just wished to photograph the patients smile - I would protect the privacy of the patient by excluding the rest of his face. The nurse said he didn't see any problem with it, but would have to check with his supervisor. Five minutes later, sed supervisor scuttled into the ward at a rapid rate of knots & told me very hurriedly that I most definitely could NOT take any photos of the patients, moreso because she would get into trouble. (At this point I thought; for what?) She suggested that I speak to the Chief Administrator, because the taking of photographs was strictly forbidden, despite there being a heap on display in the entrance foyer & lining the walls of long hallways.

At the end of the tambourine bashing - ooops - I mean music therapy, I duly sought out the nice lady Chief Administrator. I explained in plain, simple, (non flu infected)pigeon English, what I would like to do................write an article on the significance of a (simple) smile & take some photographs of the lovely smiles I get during the music therapy sessions each week. Shock horror raised painted eyebrows & grimace of multi-shaded lipsticked mouth! Er.....ummm.......no, this was not possible.....because the taking of photographs is forbidden...........(nah, get away!)...........but she will ask her Supervisor.........please follow her.........................along the way, she asked me if I worked at the centre & I told her no (again) & that I was just a volunteer..............oh OK she says.............do you work at all? (I was tempted to say "why, you want to give me a job?" I'm still trying to figure out why me working would affect my request in wanting to take photos?)

Anyway, I followed her shuffle & eventually got to see the 'other' supervisor. I was asked to wait for five minutes, as she was busy, so I said no problem & went & joined other volunteers who were doing their music therapy with handicapped children. Twenty five minutes later, I got to speak to the head honcho & repeated my story yet again....... I'm thinking of writing an article on the significance of a simple smile (the sweat's running down me by now) & would really like to be able to take photographs of the patients smiles - not their whole faces, as I would protect their privacy - just their smiles. She initially told me it would be OK........."you want to take photos of the childrens smiles?" & I replied that no, I would like to take of the men. Shock horror scarf twitch & flick! Instant wide eyes & eyebrows up to her hairline! No no no, this is forbidden............the men...........no..........no..........no.......we have to protect their privacy. At this point I nearly said "No, you just don't want the world to know there are real life physically & mentally handicapped people living in the UAE" but buttoned me lip just in time. I explained yet again, that I would protect the patients privacy because I would only photograph the mouth - the smile - nothing else. No eyes, nose, head, crippled body - just a pure & simple bloody smile I screamed silently to myself! The raised eyebrows returned to earth & the shock horror faded & I'm sure she was churning over the idea that what I wanted to do REALLY wasn't SO bad............but all I got was an apology to say that it was not possible. She has however told me that she will take the matter 'up' (?) so I haven't given up hope totally..........yet!

Can somebody tell me please...............where is the harm in a smile?

Posted by Jayne :: 16:33 :: 3 Had Somminc To Say

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