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JAYNE WITH A WHY |
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January 2006 . : On My Perch at Night, I'm Reading A Book On My Kindle: .
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. : motley assortment of blogs from other parts of the multiverse : .
. : MY FAMILY MOTTO: FUCK 'EM ALL EXCEPT US: .
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Template By Caz . : email: spadgesmum at gmail dot com .
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Saturday, January 28, 2006TAILPIECEHere's one the 'wimmin' can relate to! MY husband, unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he could monitor my state of mind. When I'm in a good mood it turns green. When I'm in a bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time he'll buy me a diamond.  
Tuesday, January 24, 2006IT'S THOSE LITTLE THINGS................That can really piss on my battery. For example, the Glade 3-in-1 Scented Candles. I buy them regularly & every time I light one, I really hope that this time, it will burn like it's s'posed to & not leave at least 30mm of unused wax at the base, because the wick is too bloody short. Taxi drivers in Abu Dhabi deserve daily/weekly/monthly awards as to who can irritate the crap out of their 'fare'. I had one bloke who stopped short of completing his morning ablusions from the driving seat. He fairly hummed of stale urine (yuk) & at every available stoppage in the traffic, proceeded to clean his ears with a manky pen, pick his nose (& examine the contents eeewwww), comb his hair & hock a lurgy (coff up phlegm) which he rolled around & finally flobbed out of his window. I didn't give him a tip & I felt like I needed to go thru some kinda sterilisation process to rid me of the feeling of a cloud of mange which seemed to engulf me! (I've wondered several times what my punishment would've been if I'd given this oke a lekker snot klap on the back of his greasy kop & cried "sies man!") The censorship laws of the Middle East piss on my battery. Many websites related to some prominent comedians seem to be forbidden. Methinks having a sense of humour is not allowed? I did a search once, whilst living in Riyadh, for a particular plant. It was a creeper & I only knew its common name, which was a Golden Shower. I can't remember how many links came up on the search, but can remember that every single one of them was 'forbidden'. This confused me, cos I was only looking for a plant! I eventually learnt that 'golden shower' was a pornographic term! (Grandma told me the botanical name; pyrostegia venusta :-) Even the www.sundaytimes.co.za site comes with a censorship warning......figure that one out?! Something hubby brought up the other day; if the Middle East can block certain internet sites, why are child pornography sites allowed in the western world? Governments have the ability to totally block or remove them, but they don't. So WHY is that I wonder? Somminc that really winds me up (which makes it a big,rather than 'little' thing!) is an expat gaaning on & on about their adopted countries. I heard it so many times in SA, particularly from English immigrants who did nothing but bitch & moan about how terrible SA was & how wonderful England was. They made the sad mistake that I was of the same opinion, simply because I have the misfortune to have a (nearly Cockney) accent. Wrong!! My normal response to such bleating is "Sod off back then, if it's so good there!" If England is so bloody wonderful, why is it so many people leave for 'greener pastures'? Climbing off her soap box...........................she continues...................... Packets & cartons with tab openings that state "pull here to open", so you pull & the little tab comes off in your hand & the packet/carton remains firmly sealed.............................. People who don't put their cigarettes out properly..................or jump queues or load their plates with food at a 'buffet' restaurant & then leave half of it.......................or unruly children...............or 'customer service' employees with major attitude..................or being put on hold on an important phone call & then getting cut off...................or teabags that split just after you've poured boiling water on them.................... Oh my nerves (doll) the list goes on! Feel free to add to it at any time................. Bugger! The soddin' candle has burnt out & there's still half an inch of wax left at least...........................
Monday, January 23, 2006CO-ORDINATING BALLS & STUFF! I've been busy today.......just for a change! I did my stint as a volunteer at a local rehab centre this morning. If it truly is a rehab centre, then pigs really can fly! I dunno what forms the so-called rehabilitation takes, but I haven't seen any inkling of results, so it's anyones guess I reckon. I'm one of those simple people in life.....y'know, the ones that define the saying 'Little Things Please Little Minds'. Over the past several weeks, I've come to form a kind of attachment with some of the handicapped men at the centre. I've got a few nicknames for them.......Sexy Eyes, Frodo, Puffy & High Five so far. They are all severely mentally & physically handicapped, but d'ya know what, when I get one of them to focus on me & smile, it lifts my heart & spirits like you cannot belive. Today, I held an old mans hand & greeted him in Arabic. He is totally immobile. I repeated my greeting & he oh so slowly moved his eyes to look at me. His face then broke into a lovely smile & I gotta say, I felt one of those 'light bulb' moments. His chest began to heave slightly & I got a tad worried, but next thing I know, he literally forced a noise from the depths of his throat. He tried, really tried to communicate with me & I actually felt a sense of achievement. Puffy went walkabout today, so I didn't see him, but when I knelt down to Frodo's level he gave me a big smile & tried to point at something. High Five gave me several high 5's bless him & many many smiles. A most rewarding session, even if I say so myself. *sigh* So, back in my box, fags & coffee at the ready, I tackle the many emails I've been meaning to reply to. Too many fags & numerous coffee's later, I finish with a flourish & again feel quite chuffed with myself! A new email came in......from our local Estate Agent at home..........which brings me to the title of todays entry. Our Estate Agent would like to put our home up as a 'showhouse' on Sunday, but can't do it without our permission. Grandma lives in the house, so she would have to vacate the property for a coupla hours on Sunday, cos it puts prospective buyers off to see 'family' lurking in the shadows. I phoned my parents, explained the showhouse thing & asked them if they'd entertain grandma for a few hours. No problem say the folks. I then rang grandma (she's actually my motherbylaw, but EVERYONE calls her grandma) & told her the folks would be taking her down to their spot on Sunday & explained about the showhouse thing. Oops, what about The Little Boy asks grandma? Our Little Boy is the most wonderful Staffie dog.....awwwww.......I miss him soooooo much! My folks have a tri-lingual African Grey parrot called Gogo & it has a nervous disposition when confronted with anyone or anything other than my parents. OK grandma says, she'll make a plan so that both she & the Little Boy are out of the Agents way & hopefully not inflict a nervous breakdown on the bloody bird! All I need is an email from the folks telling me the birds feathers have all dropped out -again - because it caught sight of the hound.......... Anyway, the Little Boy has had an interesting life methinks. We got him as a 6wk old puppy from some friends in Durban. They flew him & his sister up to us in Joburg & we fell in love with him (rather than her) at first sight. A few years later, hubby took up a contract in Kenya, so myself & the Little Boy went to join him there. We stayed for 2yrs, which was fascinating & frightening at the same time. (More on that when I'm in the mood) At the end of the contract, hubs was offered a job in The Magic Kingdom (Saudi Arabia.......where nothing is real). We made arrangements to fly us & the hound over to London. The paperwork for Riyadh took several weeks, so the Little Boy had to go into quarantine. He hated every single nano second of it. I ended up staying in the land of my birth (eeeeeeeek) for ten weeks & went to visit the Little Boy every single week. He destroyed his basket. He destroyed a wooden kennel. He destroyed literally everything he came into contact with. It was heartbreaking. During those 10wks, we discovered Saudi Arabia had a list of 'banned' dogs & Staffordshire Bull Terriers were near the top of the list. Many, many, many four letter swear words later, we came to the conclusion that the hound would have to stay in the UK. Grandma went back, so he would live with her. Before I left to join hubby in Riyadh, I bought the Little Boy an indestructible ball, recommended by the owners of the kennels where he was serving his time, ag shame! This ball was like a gift from God!! The Little Boy played & played & played............he pushed his ball around & around his caged kennel until he bled. The kennel folk then had to take it away from him, as he was on the brink of driving himself nuts. Thereafter, he was only allowed to play with his ball for an hour in the morning & another hour in the afternoon. It kept him from destroying anything else & also maintained a small amount of sanity. Upon his release from the statutory 6mths 'inside' he was delivered - with his ball - to his new home with grandma, where he played happily in the garden, come rain or rain (there being bugger all shine in England). He was a happy puppy awwwww. Then we decided to buy a house in G'nubes, so we made arrangements for grandma, the Little Boy & his ball to fly home again. That was more than 4yrs ago & the indestructible ball has been worth its weight in gold I can tell you! We have a circuit 'line' around the back courtyard at home, where the hound has played his soccer with his ball! You can do virtually anything to him, but don't try & take his ball! So then, grandma came to Abu Dhabi recently, for a lovely long holiday. During the 5wks she was here, the Little Boy was looked after by a good friend of mine. During this time though, the ball has relinquished it's title of being indestructible. It's finally worn out!!! As soon as my friend told me about it, I surfed the web & found a pet supplier in London that sold indestructible balls. My credit card has never come out of my handbag so fast............this is a life or sanity situation & gawd knows what would happen if the Little Boy became totally sane! I hastily ordered a ball, but we're now 6wks down the line & it STILL hasn't arrived home. The Little Boy is depressed, badly depressed. *ding ding* low-voltage lightbulb moment...........my brother & sisterbylaw are going over to visit the folks next week............maybe they can get me a ball? No sooner thought than done, I got on the microphone & rang my sisterbylaw. I explained the situation, i.e. how vitally important this is (poor little boy!) & she's promised to try & get an indestructible ball locally in Kent & will deliver it to grandma! In a very roundabout way, I've done a whole heap of co-ordinating today. I'm knackered now & my kidneys think my throat has been cut, so I'm gonna get a caffine fix! Be good & do it quietly................
Thursday, January 19, 2006I NEED MY PERCH!*yawn*............I really need more time on my perch..........I'm so tired this morning. We took Grandma to the airport last night. It's going to be a grey day - mood wise - in the apartment today & very quiet, as Grandma had spent the past 5wks here with us in Abu Dhabi. She didn't want to go home to G'nubes-by-de-sea but all good things have to come to an end hey? (I wonder why that is.....WHY do all good things have to come to an end........why can't they just last & last hmmm?) Anyway, by the time we got back from the airport & had a cuppee tea, it was around 1am & way past my perch time. I think the plan of attack for today will be to get the housework done, sort out the spare bedroom, make lunch & then grab 40 winks on the couch..........good plan! I can already picture the scene: My partner-in-life will have his lunch & then play his game on the computer, while I discreetly stretch out on the couch, on the pretense of watching TV (of course) & then swiftly slope off to the land of Nod! I shall awake feeling refreshed..........yep, that's a good plan. *yawn* (I'm knackered just writing about it!) The window cleaners are here. I'm still in my jarmies (I spell it as I say it) & any minute now they're gonna be gawking thru the windows..............I gotta go!
Wednesday, January 18, 2006 OK, so here I am..........my first entry as a Blogger.........whoopee! This is gonna be short & sweet as I didn't intend setting this up today. In a nutshell, this is who I am: I've got a middle-aged spread, which has been well earned, so that makes me FFF (Fair, Fat & Fortysomething) I've been married to the same man for almost 30yrs (eeeeek!) I'm currently living in my 30somethingth home, which is in Abu Dhabi. I have a warped sense of humour sometimes..........ahem......... I'm a new ouma/grandma to the most precious baby girl. I'm British by birth & South African by choice. I can't get rid of my bloody accent! I have hang-ups & pet hates. And, for now, the reason the photo shows me in my LBD (Little Black Dress to the unenlightened) is cos I couldn't find anything to wear & I'm having a bad hair day............ Stay tuned, there'll be more to come..........in the very near future I hope!
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